Its 12 am sharp on my clock and Monday has already started in this region.
Getting up on Monday and to perform is definitely one big task that we do every
week. So what’s that reason which compelled me to be here and flip the coin,
think about a very nicely knitted statement and write it down to win heart of
many and get appreciation too?
Well because I am
lucky enough to find one reader who can actually relate to my abstract writing here
and who visits me without getting any benefit or providing any benefit or being
caustic and curious about my statement that I write in another state or
specific state of mind.
So yes I am writing for her and people like her.
Second thing that is bickering with my sleep at the moment
is the topic to write about. Well literally speaking I don’t have any topic
instead certain ramblings. So let’s see how this post turns out to be.
I remember my father sitting on sofa talking to his friends
and family, taking pride in me and my achievement. Well achievement is a
relative term so yes! I have achieved a lot in my life by the grace of GodJ .
He is talking about my long prostrating state (Sajida) that
is bending down before God. And me getting
embarrassed and amused by his statement. He says : it’s all because she stays
in Sajda and prays a lot.
It was when I was in matric and studies were a big headache in
fact a matter that can give me heartache.
Today I am a professional. I am in a similar state not
intentionally but because I was remembering that statement by heart. And let me
tell you situation is definitely different here.
Then I perhaps was thinking
how my life would be, will I become an engineer, will I top the board this time
around, will I be able to buy my own car, how long my parents would live with
me, would I be left alone ever, etc etc.
Right now I am thinking : what the hell I am doing with my
life, if that’s what I was here for, will I go to heavens, what if I die tomorrow,
what my life would be when I am married and settling in new family etc etc. In
both states I was thinking about myself with a mild set of differences.
Then I felt I am here to achieve a lot and I need to plan. Now
I am standing at a reasonable position if not ideal and I am 25 now. What else I
need to do? I wonder…
Now a days, I have plenty of time to think--- think, back
space, remove it, re think then re- think and think re think and so on.
Change: I am thinking about the word “change”. You will hear
this word a lot, quite often from people of this age. You realize that your
life changes when you are out of your comfort zone (or I may call it a
shell you lived in) so there can be a difference of 1` year or two.
For maximum years in
my life I stayed with people who I knew from a long time. From school, college
and university. But now I am here where I knew no one and most importantly I saw
people with different mind sets, different attributes, you see they are
performing better than you and people like me getting under confident that they
know nothing. You find hard to express yourself. So I am in that state where I am
regaining my lost confidence. It takes a lot from you but it gives you a lot too.
You realize that life is a big give and take process ( A lot of people will
disagree but here we are for tests so lets be prepared) .
But now since I am
just giving time to myself and I have no one around to share my time with. I got
a chance to realize a lot of things.
There are people who don’t lie even if it is about coming late
to office. There are people who think that they will die ultimately so it’s
better to cultivate something good. There are people who don’t waste their
money instead they share. At the same time you will see people who snub their maids.
DO badly with them and go easy about this act. There are people who will
deliberately hurt you. There are people
who will stare at you until you are out of reach in their eyes. There are
people who smoke, take drugs and try to look cool. You will start back biting
about your closest ones because they did bad to you and so on…
Ultimately your life becomes hollow. You will see aunties
talking about your almost going age. Then they will start chasing you like your
own shadow. If they end up owning you then good otherwise you will be targeted.
You will get sick at the age of 25. Seriously. Not for once
but for many times. Your doctor will advise you to take care of yourself like
you take care of your newly born kid. You
will understand that health was the absolute precious blessing and you took it
for granted.
You might fell in love and think that you have found a
person who will bear your odd tantrums. But truth is its equal give and take. And
you won’t calculate what you give and take or you might hence resulting in few of these things: Half of the women will whine about
their not so happening marriage/relation, other half will work hard to make it better and some
they wont care and find news ways to treat themselves better.
You will start finding meaning of your life. And some of you
will reach closer to your religion. You will touch it and taste it. You will
find it sour then you will touch it; you will feel the pain; you will re touch
it and you will understand the ways to handle it.
And ultimately that’s the only thing giving you peace as if
you drank a cold glass of water after exhibiting so much of heat. Religion will
make you numb for days. You will stay awe inspired by words of your lord. You
will make your ways better; pray a lot because he gave you a lot. You will
start relating your life and once you do that, it brings another dimension to
your life. You become fearless, inquisitive, ashamed, alarmed but it happens
once a while. It brings a lot on track, it becomes season for some. And some
fear reading anything that may result changing their life style and again bring them out of your comfort zone.
I am in a similar phase. Closer to something but keep moving
back and forth. Let see what new morning brings for me. We live in a world where
faces like me are in tyranny. Where faces like me have everything still
striving for something. I am in world where I am vulnerable to disease, humiliation,
hatred, being ignored, happy,sad,loved and what not. The only difference this time I am
closer to something may be.
Happy Ramdan to all Muslims. May Allah bless us with
understanding of religion, to save ourselves from fire and understand the real
purpose of life.
Take a very good care.
Yours truly, albeit a blogger from far off place, a fellow
human being.
