To my dearest baby Iyaad,
21 Aug 2015 - As you turn 1 and you fill my heart with so
much love, I wonder writing about you now make any sense? When all you can read
is “AAAA”. But few years from now when you see what I wrote for you on your
first birth day; might bring a pretty smile on your face. A smile which is the
most beautiful and endearing thing I ever witnessed till date. And I say this
with no exaggeration at all. Well my dear Eduuu birth fascinates me in a way. I
would eat my mother’s brain to know each and every detail of how was I born.
With little information she could provide, as she could remember very little
and that happens with you being youngest, I used to picture myself.
But then I
saw you: so little, so fragile , wrapped in sheets, staring as if our lives
were moving in slow motion, giving another glance at every new thing , your eye
brows squeezing then relaxing, your eyes dilating then contracting and I would
see each and everything you do. Your arm movement, you moving your hand slowly
to touch my face then yours, you responding to my voice, your eyes racing to
see where is this woman?. I need her. How can I forget all these details? It
was just yesterday I would cover you, handle you so carefully, and stay up
whole night because I was worried of so many stupid things happening to you at
night. What If your mum didn’t get up in time? I was silly to think that way.
Nobody could wake me up that easily before you but now I can get up or literally jump out
of bed when I hear you even rolling on your bed.
And look at you now. Kicking, jumping and bouncing on us.
Checking our limits when we say ‘NO’. Chuckling on little things and making us
smile, dancing on every other beat. Saying words like ‘than ko(thankyou) in
most loving manner ever, saying dite (light), calling our maid ashhaaa, calling
us abba ji , amma mama, nahin (NO) to everything we ask you , Pointing your
nose and ours when we inquire and so many other things!! In no time you have
become our center of attention, no matter where we go it’s just you we discuss.
Sometimes we will sit around you and let you make us laugh while we see each
other smiling just to celebrate you. Sometimes I seem to forget how it was like
before you. But trust me my son when I say this: To have you is a privilege. Allah chose me to
be your mother and I can’t thank him enough. I would do everything to have you
in my life. The kind of love and inner satisfaction I have got after having you
is immeasurable and I couldn’t have it any other way.
You made me feel venerable and a woman so strong. I could
protect you; something inside me tells me that I can. You forced me to go after
my dreams and that nobody can stop me in achieving stuff I want to. At least
you brought back all those hidden feelings and emotions and for that I love you
more my son.
As I see you growing up and completing your millstones each
day. My heart sometimes ache and crave for that baby who I would want to see
rolling for that first time or crawling for the first time or standing up on
his feet. You are getting independent it makes me so proud and sad at the same
time. I want to have some more time with my few months old baby. You are
growing up that fast. So my boy as you take your steps towards partially independent
life I pray for your health, success and that no evil harm you ever. This world is so tricky so I give you in ‘his’
protection that no evil befalls you ever. May you rise up as a great human being,
a better Muslim that people look up to you. May Allah give you directions as pure
as you are and fill up those gaps that 'we' as a parent won’t be able to. Happy
First mere piyare bete (my beloved son) and we will have many more (by Allah’s
will) I want to see you celebrating for as long as I am alive:)
With much love,
Your Amma!
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