Stand By Me >< !!!

And if the darkness pulls me down, will you understand my roots are shattered,

Or if my tongue gets soured will you understand I have been bitten hard.

And the light that buzz around---Will you open room of divinity or perforate the mystery box and share the glee of symmetry

 But will you understand when weather gets colder and rain does shower; I have this urge to fly and when I l get colder will you provide enough warmth or ply

This mountainous rock that we see; that seems many miles away; I know we got to be there … so if I stumble my way will you guide towards it

Will you not pull my wrist tighter and walk just right beside me and if I start looking for other details will you jollify it

And when I get feeble enough and the charming beauty is also gone; will you still trespass and stop and write hundred words of my divinity

It has been a long, long walk and waiting for something unknown and fighting for oneself and be luck or lucky for the swollen soul or the support or may be an ailment or may be a healer but this way was a little too forlorn

so darling darling darling will you stand by, stand by me forever

 

Its Raining!!!

Few miles down the road, I used to cover in a jest.  Today they seem many miles away.

It’s not that today is some ironic display of finity but consistent sojourn, a sudden change in weather and a long thinking process.

It’s raining so succinctly as if these drops have a very soothing effect kneeling down the nerve and making your bones strong. At the same time; you don’t know which curve it causes more relaxation. Slightly sleepy head; trying to be there; where solace defines exaggerated picture of affinity.

The noise of this continuous beating of rain drops as if you are standing at the pinnacle; open arms embracing cool wind and a river which marks the successive flow of events; changing with every hindrance coming on its direction BUT  it grows with same objective. It is giving you assurance that somewhere it will go no matter what may happen. No matter how badly they cruise the path or may leave you dejected; it will reach where it has to.

Today ironically I am just concentrating on the rain and no other details. Not even about the kid who is gazing at the over showering sky with his mouth open and dancing to relive his joy nor the guy who is trying to jump brick on brick not to have a splash on his tidy clothes.

Sometimes things they come with so much pressure that you may find yourself moving with it avowal of the fact you tilted to move beneath it but you lost. Or sometimes this whirlpool just moves above your head so close that it was nearly about to gnaw at you, but you survive.

Today I have this thankful heart; a long thinking process and this rain while me in almost mildly litted room. A window that opens right towards the sky and this constant drizzling.

For a moment I just want to get hold of it, for some time more =)

Eid Mubarak !!!

My Dear Friends,

Your presence in the present is really exhorting.

Using this space is just like talking to bunch of reliable and sane people who draw millions of designs and paint with the color of red; stroked with tranquility and wisdom.

We by the grace of Allah have completed this one month which could purify us and just to exalt His blessings upon us ; we are going to celebrate Eid tomorrow and thank him for his benevolence.

A very happy Eid to all of you. And special thanks to uncle jack who in this cosmos world where nobody cares for sending greeting cards anymore ; sent a most composed and well designed e –card . I am so touched. and I had a 32 teeth smile on my face =)) Thanks to you.

Also on 1^st September my father passed away from this world 5 years ago. Eid I mostly remember is getting up tomorrow; a well surrounded compassionate hug by him and also Eidi =D.

With all those beautiful memories afresh; InshAllah; I am going to celebrate my EID.

Allah has different ways of treating you like a little lad so I get a lot of love and care from people around me. 

Do recite a prayer for him and have a wonderful day =))

Do share your amazing stories of celebrations on this happy occasion.

I thought I could share something beautiful but got no time to do so; my few lines

Dear God!

Stay in my heart and leave me when

Skies broke the connection of strange mystery

Mist of hope and gist of history …

Love stays enchanted and enmity falls behind

And for one moment I felt myself sublimed

In the desert of malice; in the room of remand

I ran towards you to be gathered in your arms

And when there was no hope and no love to be savored

You had a strange way of swiping it to be waivered

Abysmal of thoughts and fear in this facet

I feel loved and love to be enormous asset.

Warriors of Heart

Wishes are like warriors of heart

Flopping in august rain

Gushing in December  

But they make their ways through very thin alleys …

For countless time when I gazed around sky

All I could remember is

Your face - my inhibition

Last touch divided by laminated sheet of rain

Last hope compounded by fears and illusions

But listen

It’s not really important to slice down your heart and find every answer

Sometimes expressions do

Sometimes only presence

So it’s the right time to sacrifice …

Everything that defines an act of cowardice

Believe it

You can’t understand every clue, every notion and every emotion

So it’s right to sacrifice any devoid conclusion; Concorde by delusion.

When next time rain comes

And when I tried to turn that page over

I was horrified rather emulsified by rough proportions

I came running behind you to see what holds inside

But you always take the lead and leave this beside

Remember

The locks that defines a princess in cage

Can be roughly seen in life of rage

The strong ties abiding the principal of emotions

Is only broken by bloodshed and fearless devotion!

~ Live In The Moment ~

If you ever get a chance to be in yourself or sit in a quite peaceful garden  for hours looking at the bird chirping, a  thankful Friday , kids taking long swings with the strange rattling  voice that at times is really enchanting at the same time can take you back to your childhood; never miss a chance on that .

Sit their quietly ; watching yourself evaporating in air ; broken into pieces and gauge yourself flowing with the impulse of saying yes I was this at that time, I wanted that at that time. Yes I committed this bad deal there but I was docile then, yes this I regret, this I call love, that I call mystery and so on….

While looking at the piece of cloud shun by emotions and illusions; I am evolving right now from a meaningless notion.  A notion that’s nothing but it devotes me to think; life can take us anywhere in no time. There aren’t any boundaries even if you want to mark line between hatred and affiliation.

It submerges into most acceptable script. Sometimes people who you meet appear as an angel; they play their part and go away. You keep tracking their lost foot prints and save their distinguishing features; their clues and this ostensible part of life lives in forever.

While I said this to someone who joined me in the garden with same mindset; reply I got was nothing is forever only present and that too in your presence.

While I was at home taking sip of coffee and trying to peep into future life line. I had all my doors enclosed with the caption. ‘Only today is the time’. In loneliness when I try to look into past; I drift away with both sweet and accomplished life. So when present violates the rules of being thankful; I find myself thinking about people and their life. It’s my sweetest escape and I find myself coming back in time again to live in the moment now and present.

On closure; a feeling I just experienced and saw it through my mother's eyes who came to me and said ‘one of our neighbors family is moving—(some silence and the voice of truck loading the luggage). So we won’t be able to see them again.Dont know where they would be heading to and where would be I?

Sudden pause --- for how many times we sat on the same sofa and took tea together talking about emptiness that comes in our life more we move…

 I kept looking in her eyes; she has something missing a logging; a wish not to hear more of this sound of loading but time passes by like a smooth sailing with few hunches.

Anyways one day I would be at peace, with no wish, no dream, broken imagination, and no sense of accomplishment; that day I will lose my senses and so would you!

Wish You Were Here

Like a very fine ray, where sun basks the day
In the hindsight! you arrive as a peace-giver

But all my assessments drowned in the river
this is how much i care about you

If you ask me i can dive down into the memory lane
And bring one most powerful, most fine year

Just to show you that this one year
When i felt that nothing more than you, is my need to bear

And today when you are away
Is the thousands miles i cover in a day

And these strange happenings have tied their knots wickedly
Sulking in the temple,doomed to see colors fading away vividly

Come from the certain side of the mirror
To see if i am real, if i can break the wind storm or burn the hashes of fear

But now, when you come to breach the rules of uncertainty
Don't come as a weather,come as infinity

The color of your soul and this strange intimation
This is how much i miss you and your felicitation.

The Last Dialogue

September 1992:

She was wearing pink that day and weather was extremely hazy. Mist turned into sweat, and sweat that unusually took passage through the palm, hanging through the forehead and feet rocking on a very exciting beat. 

My start system was extremely excited and as I passed through the conventional places, something mitigating in the air, thinking about all the clauses for a perfect balanced equation. What to say, what not to say, I want no jitters, have to control this smile and the line I see exactly from this length should be the culmination point .After that I have to act reasonable, calm and composed.

So same thing happened exactly in the opposite direction: I rushed towards her, even took jumps and kick pebbles over the road, untainted smile, I could even feel my jaw bone stretched to the limits and I absolutely forgot what to say as she came into the scene with the most auspicious smile, walking as if each small distance is accurately measured, a bit shyness and.. And a mild thundering, nature’s conspiracy to make her feel confident.

July 1998:

Today is a similar day, winds are gushing, corroding the very taste of sweetness I ever had, itching, passing almost lifeless hand through the hair, just to feel body and body with a soul. I am not really sure if soul is here, she took it years back while then I assumed she took over it. 

Ahhh… my feet are numb as if, I was the one left over soldier in the aggressively covered White Mountains and my body negates every proportion of myself proceeding forward.

Going back is my choice but moving ahead is my dire need. She appeared again from the crowd in dejection, possibly mere abhor she holds against the world.  She will take ages to understand and minutes to fume up with the upshot. But distance has to be covered one way or the other. 

We were here standing at an ounce distance. Before I ever got a chance to greet her, my world was in rains and her face appeared foggy, I took a minute to understand the happening s of the moment.

Before we started our last dialogue, I was wondering the truth she had in her imagination:

“This my dear! Will never come again. The faces, the expressions, this shine in my cloth, assuredness in you, assuages of everything in nature, won’t come ever again. We may have good or bad or even ugly ones but this won’t come again”

You were right … you were right to the core but before you leave I wish you put a balm on the ridden heart or crash my memory right side, left side, every side .I won’t you to be remembered by the first day only. 

But I saw my eyes drooping down and her image was in vague. She had locks, curled up over the face and as I wanted to see if they hold grace to give life back to my lifeless hand, she beckoned me to be seated. 

I sat as if assembling every part within each other, she was quiet .Her quietness kills me and her face was slightly swollen as well. And weird cuts on the hand as if she has been cutting every unused memory from the broken farmyard.  She had dust over the shoulders and nearby.

Where she left her neatness?

But this is not the time to think about other details; we need to see each other by face so we jumbled up with the sights of each other. My sight was static, hers was dynamic probably because she is weak and shyness her essence that kept me closer for all those years.

This was our last dialogue; we said nothing, we saw nothing as we surrendered everything already. All we saw were moments compressed within hands lock .This was our last attempt to hold it, last desire to save it.

This was the most organic, most profound, betrothal our last dialogue.

As i wrote this fiction, i wanted it to have sad endings but this music kept my pen rolling in the other direction: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KSMG8mCzN8 

This post is dedicated to happily married couples, hurdles are the only trick to keep you two closer. 
Wish you all a lovely life.

Voyage of Discovery - 1

I write and rub off … write and rub off .After practicing this quite a lot of time I thought of starting with the broken words.

It is said that broken words are essential for conversation to be going on. So therefore I believe a child makes his first connection by uttering cackles to make his closer once realize about his presence.

And here a big girl is trying to endorse similar effect  :)

After having a lot of back offs and living in extreme dismay lately (the usual boredom, use of brain to the minimum, health issues lingering on, this issue that issue) ; I realized that emotional juncture takes you to the places you cannot think off to be in.

From our child hood we learn to adhere to the principles and one principle I knew was never to complaint or regret.

It is what I tied my knot with and practiced a lot. There were times when I couldn’t feel earth beneath my feet, I went quiet but then realized I need to move on, need to see the periphery then to stay vacuous. That was the time when my words sounded so emotionless and my wholesome presence was almost negligible but effort is what humans keep on practicing, even when angel comes over to let them see the world for the last time; they sweat to imbibe this and his look and her touch and so on .

I regretted few things, few decisions and few moments; and then as if my conscience slapped me right off.  Is this what I taught you? When you were docile enough and were trying to make sense with the strings and sticks and hitting and babbling; I interpose a lot, I worked on you and is this your return!?

I am glad that I never said it loud I smoked it lightly off my wisdom hood. And I know this transition will soon come to an end. Maybe I am over sensitive (and I am proud to be one because I surpass a lot of activity in between). May be just bad vibes and not necessarily a sinful person, I am.

Yesterday I reached home and suddenly I had a lot of pain, something that I couldn’t dodge. I thought this game over. And then the very next moment, I was normal. It was just tiny moment that made me sit on my knees and all my plans were off the scene completely.

We have a lot of things in our daily life, things that remind us of who we belong to. What we need to practice.

It’s just that I complaint why words are zipped off and emotions so fervent. Why is that we don’t know when and how things would occur and we overkill ourselves by intensify moments and moments into catastrophe.

If all bad vibes necessarily be act of punishment? Or mere testing of human to make them tougher to undergo toughness?

Forget everything! What makes you smile …something larger than life? :)

This post is dedicated to everyone who recently had bad times or unfortunately heading to one ; just drive the nail aright and be submissive. Rest upon who ran it so far. Don’t worry :)

don't forget to drink a lot of water; this is what doctor recommends me ;) 

Virtual Treat :  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP_apsbNev8&feature=related

Once Upon a Life Time

Its 9: 35 p.m. Just imagine you live in a city which is overcrowded, hustle and bustle that goes uninterrupted; that at times you communicate the inner ‘YOU’ in quite a high pitch tone: Hello! Can I hear myself? Yes I can. And then scene completely changes, its dark- thanks to load shedding therapy that helps to move my being in those old ages where people used to sit by fire and bamboo sticks all around, where some woman would move forward and by puffing all she could; would try to endorse the blistering fire. You would see all funny faces within the translucent fire, No they aren’t funny but may be sometimes your inner is exposed unintentionally.

In my case fire is only replaced by these heaters whereby me, my mother and one little cousin completely slouched and squeezed trying to fix their places in front of it. As if I am closest in the orbit and therefore deserve to absorb as much as I can and I surely am justified by every mean to get more. And then season will change, every planet will get a chance to come closer but for this season; pardon me!

Then comes my favorite part, silence, hush! Quiescent we are. My mother would break the spell. Kids have you ever seen snow falling, and then her favorite impulsive tone which stops for no passenger and goes straight towards the destination. She says further ‘I love snow and when I was a kid, I used to play with snow, not only that I used to eat snow by adding some sugar and crushing it’.

(Rest is just her and our heads nodding; we crave to hear ‘once upon a time story’)

I was in my village then and by standing at the mountain edge I could see the upper mountain range completely covered with snow flakes, and by just having a glimpse of it naturally created an urge in me to get at the top of mountain: go and catch as much as I can. So I running from the eyes of my husband,father mother blah blah…started to move slowly towards it. I always used to get a partner in crime so it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a friend, make a perfect friend for each season.

This was then noon time and you must know that by afternoon, villages naturally slip into pitch dark and it gets darker till you can witness twinkling stars on the facing mountain. So we started, wasting no time, towards the destination with mouth watering snowy craving. We walked...We walked, we walked so much towards it that our feet started a protest against our will but somebody has to win the race and therefore we walked.

Sun acted like a traitor that day, slowly and steadily stalking us, and when we so very wanted it to stay; started to go behind. We were so wearied that we had to sit on the large stone, just to measure how far we are and how much we need to walk. Suddenly a woman came and tried to gauge from where I was coming and where I was going and told me that place which I am heading to, cannot be travelled on foot and it’s far off from the place even where we are sitting. Our whole passion was dropping down as the sun was setting. But that girl suddenly brought glee to our lives. She brought snowflakes in large bags as they were trying to get rid of it so she removed upper layer and extracted out the best as she could.

When we had packets in hand we forgot the rest. Not even for the sun that was leaving.I got what I was craving for, as a purple dress that I prayed for; when I was looking at a Lilly flower beside the flowing water and very next day I was blessed with it.

*when she started to smile, whole place was illuminated. My little world of fairy tales was over and I was just wishing because there is someone who listens, every time of the day, may be this slot is mine* . Happy weekend!