Joy in Moment

Daily grind of work is taking off my energy; though I am not doing anything unusual but it seems my normal immunity is being affected very much. On weekends I would like to do nothing; face no one and experience joy in a moment. So I left my cozy bed; moved my blankets, most importantly left my mobile away from me and went out for a stroll… It took a while to grasp beauty of cool breeze blowing; the essence which was very much captivating as if my windows opens to a new world where there is no pollution; no horns; no need no desire…

Suddenly something tickled my eyes; near my head; over my face; on my hand…it was drizzling.
 I fluttered eye lashes and smiled. As if I smiled after many days and my lips forgot to stretch a bit; so I rose up and move towards a window where I can see myself and I smiled again. Feels great to smile for no reason yah? Also I realized I had a haircut yesterday and I didn’t investigate it enough with new styles and more.

This whole incident took me some years back where I got a chance to spend some days with Kashmiri people. It was very pinching summers and some young blood decided to get baskets full of water and go to grave yard and pour them over there. Since I never saw any such thing so it took my interest and kept me overwhelmed. Therefore I went to a girl and asked her to enlighten me with this whole sequence.

She told me people here have firm faith that if they will go and pour water on graves; god will pour rain on living beings! So I asked my mother if she used to believe in these things too; she told me that once there was a lot of rain fall during marriage ceremony of one of my uncle; so much that it was impossible to go bring our bride. So they started cooking corns on stove (they used to burn woods to light up stove) and rain stopped.

And guys do you know what happened that day? It actually rained that day. It was such a magical moment for me that it left me spiritually high. It left my entire wisdom aside; all assumptions; all theories failed to understand their faith and believe system and logics couldn’t prove anything I saw in those people’s eyes.
Now days when I go back to bed; I think of one dialogue that hovers my mind these days that ‘he created earth in seven days he takes it back within few seconds’.
So am I ready to go any minute? Hmmm…

Guys hope you all are good and having good time of your lives . I am really out of sync with myself these days and unable to write. I will come back soon.

Happy days J

I wish you a life less painful and sorted

But if your boat tangles in row and jolted

Behind is the passage that added in your history

Ahead is the sun basking; may be swiftly!!!

Stopping is where you think you are

Starting is where he takes you to be.

Rich in love? if somebody asks you to say

What love is and how it paved the way

Tell them love is a miracle - a power

He entwined us with and within our clay.

-- Here i am lost in the ashes of time but who wants tomorrow --

We had this resilient chemistry for each other but still few hiccups and unwanted storms are part and parcel of life. It was then something gruesome occurred between him and unknown fallacies and everything was tarnished between us. It is said that if man has guts to be a man and he was grown under his own build circumstances he can keep everything intact but many of them may not. Our lucky charm was warm sunshine and a cup of coffee in chilled winters.

So we both decided to meet up at the corner coffee shop known for young couples meet up and departure too. And I was counting steps; heading towards it; hoping it is not what all the particles in air beckoning it to be.

We had some words and some more words; unrealistic attacks and realistic jitters were accompanied by his demarcated face and I kept on finding some peace in this whole region; something which is known to me.

I remember he was the most envious man in the crowd because if we stood in a group he is the outside peeper and he became luckiest when he had me around but what happened last is totally a piece of note nobody every wrote or read. Here is the last dialogue:

Eshta: So how are you?

Billi   : I want to tell you that you must go on with your life because I don’t deserve you…I … I just want to tell you that all these hard and harsh words are for your own good. And if it was possible I would gather all the happiness of the world and put in your lap but for now I must go.

Eshta: Will you stop this rattling and useless word? (Cutting him through) How on earth I can put this in your beautiful brain that it is not true. You are a rose that grows one a million and I have utmost respect for you that wouldn’t diminish nor haze ever. With you I smile; without you I get sad and then this nervousness makes me a complete fanatic.

(Billi interrupted without my thoughtfulness ever on aired and made way to his goddamn ears.)

Billi: Estha you must understand; I have a very tough situation to deal with at home; I would leave everything and will go. I need peace and only in that can find my lost strength.

Eshta: Even if it requires abandoning me and watching me go aloof of everything around. Atleast tell me what marks your strength to be so low. You are giving up on nothing

Billi : After a pause yes it is like that… sometimes every word that come out of my mouth would sound unjust ; you will think I am weak and I would rather flew to some other region before I hear this . Truth is that situation is getting out of control. It’s ending up between choosing and it has startled my life too…

Eshta: Are you in your senses. We had a trust factor with each other at least I deserve little explanation on this?

( Billi: Complete silence as if he was wishing that storm to abate so that he can make his way through, as if all he knew was to leave and unable this environment and people to take 360 degree turn in a second)

Estha : You are making me stern, a shocked being , you are making me a useless piece of cloth thrown in dejection and I won’t forgive you on this

Billi: I hope you will take care of yourself more than anything; more than anyone being cared for ever … I must go …

Estha:  And I would call you a weak person and this must stung you all your life no matter where you go …

And she stood there hoping he would look back like he never missed being trapped in her charms but this time as if he was not he and he had appeared in some deluded appearance for secretively teasing her but none of the assumption was true.

Estha had eyes full of questions and remarks in which tears somehow were embedded and every tear was tagged with a lot of thoughts and question. She knew above all science; wisdom and circumstances; miracles do happen; so she carried herself and moved towards a mosque. She sat there hoping that her voice will be heard this time. She released herself of all abduction and unjust happenings; she knew this time he will hear, she stood up and walked into warm sunshine. She knew a day would come when she will get all the answers till then she will assuage her grief she would live; to live up for that one day.