Secrets !!!

It was a desire and a wish that emaciated into a secret. Last hope to see what holds within the broken heart hoping on the last breath; what her eyes see with so much of attention and how glamour sparks within no time.

It all used to come naturally. Something that was never meant to be explained ,only be seen once in a life time and be praised in rest.

Naturally I started feeling tired, naturally weather was so thirsty that it took all my thirst leaving me vacuous and turned me gray. Winter was also very rough; most of the time spell was cast in solitude. With myself covered in almost cozy rag while my mind traversing places and most typical of all I used to hear was the comment ‘You look tired’, unknowingly what my state of mind is, I nodded! I do.  

So I shared little; heard little; just kept all those precious vintages secrets in my heart. Something that never withers only whoops! sometimes so hard as if secret was revealed; as if world got a sudden jolt. But most of the time it stays fervent or completely out of sight. So this exchange of time that I travel within ages I have gone through, drives my life with much jubilation.

 Imagine secret of lives spent in a believe that I kept them closer to heart ; that I chose to rush back in time and enjoyed in gardens and walked in streams when it was tempting. Imagine it suddenly came to me as a beautiful dream, a wide fence with new morning and high stream.

Secrets are the practices: an exercise to find insidious strength that stays within the soul when body goes away.

Secrets of life are long lasting as they have quote of faith and pigment of trust. Their color doesn’t fade away that easily but when it does, It leaves granular pieces of husk and smoke in air , something that never comes back,  as if ashes of fire when town was completely burnt and people made folk tales about the burnt hopes and fixtures!!!

~ I Am In Love With Her Fairy Tales ~

Lying beneath the wide spread sky and watching all stars capturing glimpse of my life spent both with beauty and nostalgia bring about the distance that I travel between being with you and being alone.

If I was the morning sky, she brought freshness and all exertion of the day fell down my skin in dew drops that she used to flick my face with.

If I was the victim of suffocation in worldly matters; she was the cool breeze giving a perfect escape by muttering about things that I kept wondering in her presence; those imaginary areas we travelled together and almost flying in air with arms wide open taking all the serenity and silent presence of I-don’t-know what but it was there; something that belongs to her magical world only but surely.

It was then I tossed her a companionship of life and time beyond our comprehension and she tossed me back things that she whips with her smile and they melt glaciers and peace the exuberant rivers.

But time flips within the luck lines marked in our hand. Glaciers they do melt but not with the heat of affection but with pronouncing weaknesses we develop with the time. Life is at rest but not with the beauty of her fairy land talks but with the harsh realities of life that nip down our happiness with some ugly events.

I realized how quickly I came out of her colorful world; not only made myself a somber inside- outide contended man but also made her look quite fidget most of the time. It was then I thought her radiant smile has gone away and I blamed time and when clueless accused her of losing charms.

How quickly I wrapped up things half heartedly that ultimately resulted in arguments every second of the day. I started feeling tired and fell down asleep quite quickly because love withered or hid in the closet or lost in the humidity.

Suddenly I realized she is sitting beside me asking question in her typical docile style and with blinking big eyes. “Could you marry someone else, once I am not alive?”

I laughed --- I laughed because I was addicted to her fairy tales too. I realized what I was missing so I started telling her a real time story: “Listen! I know we went through a hard time. But remember all the good times we catered climbing up the hill. I may not remain the same but inside my heart there lives a space that knows your language well. Sometimes it is not as glittering as it should be. Sometimes it’s just not easily comprehendible but …”

I realized she wasn’t taking interest in my real time story and she was gazing with her big eyes even yet. I sat their motionless and to break the ultimate silence I said:

 “Imagine a world where a guy and a girl cross the land of beauty and joy together and something prick her foot quite badly and it started bleeding … Guy had to leave that place for a while to find best emergency remedy”.

She moved her hair a little from the forehead and smiled. A smile that is famous to bring charm back to the valley of tired looking people.

First morning ray removed the overwhelming darkness and then I realized, I passed this whole night dreaming with my eyes wide open, looking at starts knitting a fairy tale.

Lost love is here but my darling is away.

I know, I couldn't write

                             

                                                  

I stood motionless and I couldn’t write…

Sometimes I feel you had the substance that I could only bite

I broke my self in sheer pieces to exhale this weird sensation

Of standing on road sometimes aimless and measuring long destination…

I know I cannot write because I wish to touch the sky

Sometimes I feel I can blow up my shadow and make myself your ply…

And this catastrophe that we named as silence

It’s the purest form of light, igniting my resilience

Come on the road to celebrate the rain …

You are famous in town of bringing up the flame

I know I cannot write, I broke my pen into pieces

I wish I can capture residual of my remaining braces

Of my remaining me

Of life stupefying teases

Of your spry

Becoming a prey

Of this fantasy

That moves this galaxy and calls for amnesty.

I know I cannot write I hold it true till last

Where you and I in a juncture, rest is just contrast.

I know and it’s true that this pen had strange affliction with me of bringing up the glass full of water and I accidently pour it all down.

It’s also true that sometimes I broke the shelf unannounced and claim the ridden water.

I know I enjoyed power till I knelt to make it yours. I know and I know it’s true that I have always been unfair.

I know what a half smile meant and I drafted with your nip.I know you had pain of calling me a gig.

I know and it’s true we went places together; still you call me half of your realm and half is still dictator.

I know sometimes i hit you on surface and  make you blow some weird sound, sometimes you are the gesture i always confound.

Sometimes you are cheated with the effluent words of art and wisdom lies beneath the roar that lambast the retard.

Sometimes you are love and glory on the my part.

Sometimes you are consolidation of rift and you glue the broken heart!

If You Ever Try to Find 'ME'

As the evening curtain hoops down the last tinge of light; prevailing over us. And if you have an urge to find the lost ‘me’. Come through the doors of patience.

Don’t look for the perfection in me: that’s in every second person with little manipulation and that’s how every second person tried to find me.

Find the lost ‘me’ in all imperfections, that is in me and that defines me.

Try to figure out the missing difference, it’s in every second rose sagging because of the fake play of the day.

Try to find me in the serenity that only comes within the flowing water, surfeit water, with an aptitude of reaching the other region, the other part of the realm.

It flows uninterrupted taking all the soaked tears and dropped happiness. If you try to find ‘me’,  find me in the lower layer carrying indispensible ‘me’.

Look through this sight of the globe I am left behind while the rest of the world flew off ahead. Try to find me in the remaining ones, who have smashed their paws and hurt the inner them, who soot in the hope of adjudication.

Life is a layered yet an oddly known inhabitant. It’s like a seduction by a chocolate cake. At first look, it is heavenly fascinating, flawless and almost drowning. Middle layer is the most delicious discovery and top just calls out for a little too much of perfection with the cherry on top. Try to find me in the very basics, a discovery more subjective than making your objective.

If you ever try to find me, look for the empty days in your life that you have spent without smile. Try to find me in your loneliness, over the lush green grass where you went for meditation and rest of the world passed by you. Your eyes are closed and you could barely see but feel me in the absence of your breathe.

Try to find me in monuments of the world or constellation of stars, i happend to be in between them, leaving for a sweet escape in every highs and lows of this curve of life.

Come, grab my hand, take me to the moon or drop me from the sky but if you ever try to find me, find me with implications of the lost 'me'.I found you in millions,you just try to find one 'ME'.


"This post is dedicated to all who are lost or rambling in woods"

"lately one of my senior said someting really simple yet unique. According to that, we on average live 60 years of life. In initial 18 or 20  years we tend to make less mistakes, so if rest 40 years of our life can be spend following the doctrine given to us; we can make our immortal life incredible.Simple yet difficult."

Happy week days ahead pals ;)

Time and Tide waits for none, What you are waiting for ?

That night I kept holding my last breath to see if I will have to see it for once more but ‘Wait’ till I was given more breath and only thing I fell short…. No fell shot dead was of an 'unknown feeling'.

An unknown feeling hmmm its cloudy outside and I … I dearly want to have some few droplets falling straight on my face when I gaze at the beautiful sky outside; which is homogeneous right now. I wait and went outside again and something unknown hits me --- silence fell, night fell and when this droplet might fell? Aaargh…

* I am rubbing my hand, tapping my foot:Blink...Blink then tring…tring ran towards the phone:
hey I was waiting for your call past 2 hours and you  ...’Oh sorry I will let you talk to her excuse me’.
 An unknown mystifying rather miserable feeling portraying the grim picture and your wrinkles quite visible on forehead, face tweaked as if clock suddenly struck 12 on you rather than in its own origin. You Wait!

** Driver says ‘I am 5 minutes away from your home and be ready’: countdown begins you run to make a lunch; press your dress; time is running … you run for life, your knee had a bad accident with the corner of your bed: ‘OUCH’ ! elbow beguiles to hit you when it effects the most and here it hits the side wall and yeah you feel your whole arm stirred up to the core… countdown begins 

5. Catch your bag

4. Take a Sip of coffee 

3. Go get your lunch box

2. Peep outside the balcony I still have time in hand and ….

1. Give a warm hug to a kid at home … Run... Times up

‘Tring tring’ I am stuck in a bad traffic jam will be there soon.

Ahhh yeah you have all objects in front of you which one you would like to hit on first?

You wait till your lipstick needs a refresher.

*** Every day I have a look at her face makes me go drifted towards her; for she an ethereal creature and every time I get my senses back after an awe-struck and goggling the dictionary to give her a new name, I end up  asking her ‘how’s the weather outside?’ Yeah you got it right ‘I wait’.

**** Every night in my dreams I feel like killing him/her. I can’t have a sound sleep; I hate and I know I won’t be able to sleep, here I go take sleeping pills, you ruined my life; I am just getting up ; here I go …wait… no go …..

 And when you are able to move you already have had a 5 hours steady sleep. Good morning!

***** Every morning at 8 I reach bus stop to be the first one getting on … first bus arrives; flooded with people few are dropped outside; and when you try to place your first foot on stand, it slips away .Wait for the next to arrive soon which is no less than um mm 9nish!

Oh well I am waiting for the droplet to fall ‘straight’ on my face and what you are waiting for?

"When Confessions Come Around, My Love Disappears"

I am normal. I lead a normal life so far and now when it couldn’t have gone anywhere else; I am living in negation.

It was one cool January morning with my hopes high and ambitions arousing the inner self somewhere at the top of everything. As I was walking, with cool breeze almost steadily passing through my ear and a leaf which is slightly brownish in color as if declared old by its family, broke contact and flew passed my eye as if fondled me! Why couldn’t have I felt something in air? A conspiracy. Suddenly it was me and a jolt and after that an endless fey.

My life is now surreal; I confess that I felt a bustled as I stood by the place, looked backward to see you; but saw a bunch with random voices.No one was you!

I liked the way you moved my life but hey will you appear hearty and upstanding ever?

That whole day I was acutely busy but every time something knocked my head and my heart moved somewhere else. Now my heart and head isn’t in my control and my fallacy goes like that I will take care of my head, will you rule my heart?, its in illusion.

When I slept smoking away all the worries of life that night, and was thinking of you that suddenly a ray of light made me galloped towards the mobile; I just thought it was you because my hypothesis says you have an ability to illuminate pitch dark to glow but I got someone anonymous quoting

‘Your Love is just near, handle it or drive away’.

You and I were sitting at the top edge of the mountain stealing the eyes of many; we could have had a look at whole civilization and me? Well my world, my globe just moves around you. I was posing, streaming things in mind to make a camouflage of words and portray in your presence your highness! But my words are suspended by your sunshine coming out of your hair and the twinkling light ring you had in your hand, how can I forgot those silky hair moving decently keeping discipline and assuredness. When I started to tell you that ‘when you smile, heaven seems few miles away’ and then suddenly you smiled meanwhile ‘I’ trying to gaze at complete curve of your lip, had to stood up by this morning alarm! Arghh...I hate it!

That morning when I drove a car, I saw many leaves coming under the tire, grossly grinded by this strong gust of my thought process and then I started to talk out loud:

‘You will come in your true composition, blind folding me by placing your hand right above my eyes; if I guessed you, you are mine, if you guessed me I am yours ’

And when next time a shadow passed by me; choked my heart, where my head played hoax; made me moved backward, and when I was to confess, my love disappeared.

Next time I won’t leave any fallacy till then give me an assurance that you will keep shining and assorting me with the fraction of your sunshine. For I would have loved to live that way to keep you secure from everyone but I am afraid, my hypothesis will make you go away one day.