I am sensitive and it appears to be a solid reason to hate myself at the moment. No serious! And you are lucky to have people around you who would upsurge your sensitivity and sit around the chamber looking at you like something antique presented after ages.
It is quite strange that I was forced by myself to write something about me and stranger is that, I couldn’t fight it. There were times when I would win this battle no matter how strong the need was. There comes a point in life when you think whatever you did makes some sense in bigger picture of life but later on you might find out that you have been blindly following a cusp. You knew it is meant to be an intersection but you didn’t know how strong it is.
As a child I had fantasies, dreams of having a family that I am proud of and most importantly a family proud of me. People who are pure, selfless and extremely protective towards your happiness, I wanted to have friends who could make me laugh, an (unfortunate-since I hate myself) partner who would guess what I was about to say, how could I react in certain cases. In short a complete psychic.
But truth appeared so tardily that never did justice. I was happy but was perusing happiness in others life. I was contended, independent but wanted people to support me. These all stupidity ultimately opens up your eyes and you start hating yourself.
Only those people can understand who are sensitive because ultimately it’s a crime; somewhere in your life you would disappoint your family for others; just being protective for others but that broken hatchet is going to be with your entire life.
Then you would support family in front of others and you would see how possessive you have become for your own self.
I was wondering today; is it really hard to hide somebody else’s weakness or giving a balm to unprotected area? Is it that difficult that you cannot trust anyone because whosoever you are going to trust would come out to be a person who had own values, beliefs may be someone who can clearly state you being extra emotional and sensitive ; hence leaving you deserted for as many days as possible.
Today I had a deep dive; you must be wondering where. I can’t really tell you but to be honest it’s the same state as to be in pre-operation. Dr comes and sits closer to you; holds your hand; check veins then beats; asks you if you are tensed?
You without even thinking about consequences nod your head…
He will take some extra cautions; does whatever can be done at that very moment and you would look at him like a tired passenger who is not curious; who doesn’t even know what it means to be in pre-op who is just waiting at the station… to be taken care of; not about the consequences remember but about the uncertainty.
He wants to move on … lights are right in front of you; glaring your eyes above your head; you could see people walking just around and about you … you are not curious to see their faces even; you are looking at the clock.
Someone comes upfront removes his masks and says remember me … you say yes I am alive and then when you open your eyes you experience the consequences.
We have strong faith at our creator; no trust me; if you see people closing their eyes and doing crazy things they had a contract signed by him, or a promise because being stubborn is no option on this planet.
If you find people who are psychic and most importantly they don’t have competition with you hold them forever because otherwise you will keep finding missing gaps and holes in every one's life of so many things like someone’s loss, being sensitive and how many times did you cry, Happiness, support and strangely people deliver everything with a smile when it comes to filling up that hole.
Since I am out of writing thingy from a long time so I know it’s even harder for me to keep my normal flow. Sensitivity is over in pre –op. So have a wonderful life. Best thing about being sensitive is the time when it withers away.