Sunday, October 30, 2011

Phase Shift --->

Our world is magical so is our love
So is our hatred so is our hope ….
Everything that put me in gush
Run adrenaline rush  
Fills my heart with enormous words
Run through my eyes is your solicitor self
How you told me run for yourself
My feet might swore when hope deters
But look what I have for my better
Lots of love, hope and peace
Sometimes I just sway as if this world is in my realm

Tonight is a good night, with my hands held tight on a mug of melted chocolate, cold coffee with a scope of ice cream giving a perfect ending to my day before next week starts.

Also this day was different because I shopped a bit alone in resentment and out of my angry self against my sister who didn’t show up for me. This one thing makes me quite angry if people who you are dependent upon turn their back for a little or better reason. Anyways this whole fight was for shopping. This week interestingly I had nothing to share even though I wanted a lot of things to be penned down but didn’t get a chance to be on my laptop. Oh! It is quite beautiful to use my old laptop again after a long time. It’s like cherishing my passion and dream for buying it. This is the first thing that I bought from my first pay two years back ; so I hold it quite dear =)
 For a lot of people who know me; they know I hold this passion for certain things and when I do then I madly run after them and then maybe then I will take a sigh of relief.

Thought of today was an old age. Today I saw my mother sighing at twitching of her muscle. I saw her moving rather budging quite slowly towards the room.  I saw her sleeping a bit more than usual hours. Instantly being very touchy and being apologetic on wrong statements made or wrong question asked or if we thought she asked this thing a few hours ago. Being in this situation; made me realize my duties towards her; this phase shift of her personality is something to deal with.
For people who we always paint so perfect, who know us inside out, whose love is our heart whisking in throughout-- is just a jerk to be taken.
For you Ammi:
Your love is a shadow on the wall and for enormous times I just pushed myself hard to fit in the map; to fill in the pattern but I realized there are a lot for things to be learned; to be earned; to be one who is centre of attention in our home and in our heart.  Wrinkles on your hand and forehead narrate hundred of stories and I never forget how much I need to be thankful to our creator. I know this phase shift is evident and cant be controlled but I just wanted to make sure that with you;  we are without you; we wither.
Needless to say; take care of your parents; hold their hand while crossing road ; bring yourself upfront so that sun rays may never pinch their skin for this is what they had been doing all their life.
If you have happened to lose one of your parent or both; pray for them. There is nothing in this world more effective than a prayer murmured from the deep valleys echoing through heart.

Take Care guys
Happy work days ahead!
Sweet dreams; dreams are important they have fringes of tomorrow ...

Friday, October 21, 2011


( Distance always dispatches a lot of lessons from there , a lot of  love and  immense care; Sometimes it is totally opposite )

Believe it or not! Somewhere in your life; a distance comes in between.  A distance that shows bare necessity of survival; sometimes becomes most impulsive notion. And that in return marks picture of solitude that counts each mile on the road.

Distance is here now in the moment; in the silence and the darkness brushing green plants; it is there in intense emotions. 

Distance is here in the foggy path with two trespassers unknowingly gazing at each other collapsing thoughts; a momentum with which they were counting footpath or sometimes counting upon it. A sudden thought and a drift to move ahead because distance has to be covered.

A distance comes in between when you had to say last word of devotion; show last gesture of emotion  to complete one story but it subsides granular hope-- leaving distance to be felt … a grieve of lost heart ; lost mind but it has to be covered in one way or the other.

It’s a negotiation in the boundary less sky and intimacy of clouds followed by rain; sometimes it’s just there in the words heartfelt; sometimes it’s a hope letting all deprivation to be set free.

In the measure less unit it hums in our life; in early forties or late sixties it brings an analogy; a measure of life spent or to be spend.

Distance is the target; it’s a man who watches all green leaves being crushed under his feet but it has to be covered one way or the other in the grieve or believe .

Another random abstract post ; a thought process behind this post cannot be summed up but I was just staring at airplanes that always make me feel distant or gazing this overwhelmed sky or the green plant whose branches drop down the fence. They all have a story it seems.

Have you ever felt those winters; where there is a mist and a specific aroma around; checked in warm clothes; a mug in hand; walking, suddenly you hear footsteps and unintentionally you will move up a little on your feet to see those unknown faces in the fog?

It seems winters are coming soon to this part of region.

My wish for this winter is to see snow but with happiness of it and scream and joy of playing with it not with the specific silence that winter always bring along. =))

Happy weekend guys!

I have developed this fear of travelling on road in effect of an accident. I am safe with the grace of Allah; hope to get rid if it soon  =))

Be safe and take care.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

~ Serenity ~

Finally I am settling in new house. Finally mornings are not so much Unknown and evening so alien. 

Finally I am watching ahead of being in state where I was counting minutes and sometimes seconds to cross this barrier. Now it’s time to look ahead, buy new things, start work afresh, paint new walls of wishes and imaginations.

And stay amused about time … that always proves me wrong; never stops for grim situation to let it be subsided, grab your hand and keep moving on.

Sometime gives you support to pull you up when you are hanging down the hill. Sometime laughs and sneers; drops you down and then you hit another ground but still survive.

 I really want some ‘time’ off … I feel tired after work and also it seems my whole day is being ruined by thoughts of this and that.

I miss peace of mind that comes with an accomplishment; it comes to me that I need to work for something else as well rather sitting in front of computer all day long.

So I want to be in a sail boat with water flowing around me
And for a moment it may happen;
A realization that earth and sky doesn’t exist

For some uncountable moments I will… I will feel life around me
And rhythm…the twinkle of serenity may flourish in amidst

I will broke down in pieces and sporadically overwhelm the air
With some of it glowing… some floating in river

And a part of me may fly with flocks of bird in air
In a rush less gear, without any fear

I will turn and twist and move in the space
And I might feel life…. life in myself

So you come down to me as a shadow in abyssal
and for a moment we will find in ourselves
end of  words 
end of expressions 
end of antonyms and similar indulgence
just gazing into each other eyes and remembrance
talking about the life
talking about the serenity
talking about the peace we lost in interim 
talking about the love we missed in frivolity
and we will hold hands and open the arms 
the last voyage and on sail we will end this calm....

Happy Weekend Guys . See you soon again. Gotta read few friends here as well ... so my wish for this weekend is that Sunday may pass so slowly as if minutes are hills to be climbed in a day.

O btw my lost love came to me after so many years ... the craziness of listening to it  on instrumentals and feeling words when i was even younger :P ... its like a wish to write such lyrics myself .Enjoy

Everytime I see you, well the rays of the sun are all
Streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes 

Like a spotlight 

The beating of my heart is a drum and its lost
And its looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the deep of the night
And turn it to a beacon burning endlessly bright
I gotta follow it cause everything I know
Well, its nothing till I give it to you
Song :~ Making love out of nothing at all ~

Thursday, October 6, 2011

~ I Can Never Be The Same Again --

My eyes are slightly swollen and at this time of night; unattended; stoned -- for how long I kept gazing at these stairs, glaring stars right from my terrace, these walls that have my little hands imprinted somewhere here and there, my little sweet wishes in specific aroma traversing from one room to other , my memories; memories of my family all jumbled up and tonight it seems I am burying them; trying to absorb as much as is possible or burry them in sequence in chambers of my heart and vaporize my emotions fueling up my heart right now that are forcefully trying to bring tears in my eyes.  
Sometimes I hate this sensitivity it’s over bearing. Sometimes emotions are childish; they play abnormal games but difference is that you can’t defend them in age where you are sane, responsible and so called powerful. Sometimes you have to be your own light; your own mentor; your own help or consolidator. Sometimes you have to carry your own weight no matter how many loved ones you have around; pat your back yourself and hold your palms and rub them together to give warmth to the ridden area. Sometimes sky is just collapsing and earth takes jitters but you hold your heart and wait for the storm to pass on with your back bent and eyes in swoons.
This is the place I grew up most in both sweet and somber accumulation. Unknowingly I sat near a flower for which I had been told in my child hood is the most aerie plant; the smell of it holds a magic. It certainly vets for something missing; it is the queen of night. And I kept wondering why unfair is the nature waking up king of the day in the day. How much she must be missing him.
And the congregation of stars and making random images in mind and guess game that kept going for many hours. Finally comparing skies we have seen in different areas, making assumptions about pollution, good and bad , zeal and zest.
The castles that I made in sand dunes with my feet completely drenched in cold sand marking my most imaginary plays and those bricks with which I used to adorn my dream house. It is then I learnt the difference between a house and a home. It took ages to have a comfortable sleep alone.

This house has a lot of fears and hopes kneeled down today and something just whispers near my ear. It’s time to go. Have a last look and go. World awaits for more challenges while I want to catch this time in my fist and never let go of it; to go back in time and  keep hold of my mother's dupatta  and walk right behind her and just follow where she steps in; to have this security that she won’t de track ever , i would never be missed or rubbed or nothing would be removed in time.
For once in my life I want to be like a kid; dropping my head on her shoulder, throw my arms around her neck and close my eyes to have some heavenly sleep. And she by chance of looking at me try to see if I am ok and also by her mysterious looks that they call 'love' make a way to look through the eyes deep into my heart.
Dear My  Space: thankyou for allowing me to vent it all out. I feel much better and now am ready for sleep. It is nothing just a change of place and one of my brother leaving  for good.You can read me so well that i am attracted towards you. Thankyou for keeping my emotions and not to question 'what why where who' . Thankyou!!!