Tuesday, November 29, 2011

~ My Day Shall Come ~

a season will come...
we will jublify all the resentments 
and make merry about tomorrow 
of hidden happiness and drift away sorrows 
that day shall come ...

we will throw arms around each other 
and spread the laughter 

for this life is twined with tiny little things 
tiny little happiness in your tiny little eyes 

as they shine with tiny little light 
and your hand marks the future with tiny little lines 

that day shall come when words would pour like water from Niagara falls 
and we will take a bath in heavenly shower of all

and my day shall come when i will rise above myself 
if lost in woods, found , read or propel

I am going through bunch of those days which usually shut down inner voices and there are random pictures going in front of your eyes. Like looking for a solution without considering your own opinion. Like you are invisible in the crowd or to make your self distinct in the crowd you stand on chair and shout but your voice go unnoticed.

Yesterday our land lady fell quite ill. Since i come back home slightly late so i miss most of the happenings of the day. The sight of my mother in exasperation told me millions of stories and if she hadn't uttered a word i might have bursted out thinking about million of things that possibly could go wrong. My mother is quite sensitive heart and she can hardly control emotions or boundary line them. That lady is quite aged and as much as i see in her eyes is the insecurity about her things and her assets. It keeps me wondering what goes into our heart as we group up. Half of our life is spent struggling hard; making name in this big world; setting our foot right; finding our fit survival and rest half in taking care of them. 

Suddenly a phone bell rang; Her son spoke at the other end from US .

he : What happened to mom?

someone here: she is not well...

he : what do you mean by not well?

someone here: she has been admitted to hospital.

he : can you exactly tell what happened to her?

someone here: she felt dizzy and hit the car but nothing damaged her apparently 

he : what's dizzy ?

someone here :( for god sake; you are living in America and cant understand whats dizzy... but may be he is worried )... errr... it means she was in half sleepy mode and  partially awake. 

he: Is she breathing? 

someone here: Of course please don't worry she will be alright! 

suddenly there was a sleek noise in silence; someone was breathing making it difficult to breath through nasal; then sobs and tears.

she will be alright i said!!!

Cal dropped...

I could feel the pain but couldn't find the intensity of it till i heard that old lady saying " my son! please forget me.. forget me please!"

So that sums up our life cycle. Life that we ought to live for others sometimes seems too far ; sometimes just goes away like that ; sometimes its the idea of living sometimes it is just a normal doing. 

I don't know what meaning you might get from this post but i couldn't discuss it with myself to run into conclusion. Few years back when i was young and could gaze directly into people eyes made me go positive ; but now it seems so fragile. 
Like a rose that suddenly starts decaying or it flies away leaving its root behind.

By the way lady had a stroke in process but she is fine by the grace of Allah =)

Take Care and hope to see you all soon!

I hardly get time to write and read you guys which definitely means i am missing on a lot of good stuff but i will share what i read from you ; read from others or learnt it finally; no matter how rough that way was =)


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Language of Expressions

You turned everything the way you thought was better; and I entrusted you with all my head and heart.  Even if that was a game I played with my eyes closed; trusting on first vibe that hit my mind or picking the chit that was just between you and me.

In my childhood you were an inch away; now there are some clouds and more gushes of wind or smoke that fills the air. Where did I lose you; where did I stumbled on way or broke the bricks that built my heart where I pursued you?

There are illusions and realities that hit me on blindside or early morning alone I thought I suddenly am missing you.  But ‘hope’ that constitutes the pillar of all weaknesses or substitute the faith to be on par.

You were there when world twitched a bit but I was away when flying without fear.

Today I realized what I am missing so I gave you my hand; with my head nodded; I decide to walk right behind you. There is no question or reason than to tell you that if degrees starts from 0 to 10 where 0 is life and love is higher on scale then there is no way to get it wrong you always mark the start or the  end.

Dear god, thanks for giving us everything; there is too much to say; too  much to quote; way too much to remember  but we have learnt the language of expressions that our tongue doesn’t speak ; they are whispered straight  through the heart and pass secured as they go towards you.

 Catch you soon guys

Take Care =)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

' No Life Is Without Its Deal Of Pain '

Who am I? A question stung me quite a lot of times before and even after reaching conclusion my spirits wander across the surface. Reaching a point where definitions are strong but dimensions deviate.
Thinking about a life that passed just right in front of my eyes is like waiting for a train to come at stop to accommodate passengers in it ;  you hear its voice coming towards you  ; but it whooshes away and then across you. Without even stopping; it passes by you with a chilled steam fuming away marking a sign of good bye.

Getting a chance to see many facets of human personality rising up and down gives me an outlook of making assumptions if not understanding reality.
Mediocre life is a complete amalgamation of keeping up your standards and making yourself better in the hindsight. You would never know about it till you exercise it .
 Till my college and university life I used to think about myself as a very independent person who did everything by her own will and with her own hands. I used to work hard; the competition I always felt with my fellows was just like a game I used to play with the swords ; swirling to make my way towards my final destination.
With this aptitude let me clear one thing that I relied this competitive streak upon my prayers and spirituality that I was very strong with. What disturbed me the most, as I grew up was a feeling that I was fairly drifted away with the principles and religion I used to hold myself strong on , but our god is fair in his dealings too if you tend to go towards him one step he returns it in a much better way.
As I grew up and having lost one of my parents I realized many things; many short comings insecurities flew right in front of my eyes. However I will boundary lines this post with this statement that whatever I am today has a fair deal of parents; environment they tried to keep me in and standards they asked me to follow. Sometimes I am on the way but at the same time I may dwell in a wrong lane.
My father had a tough life as he migrated from Kashmir to Lahore to earn bread and butter and he on his shoulder had a burden to pave way for his whole family including many brothers.
Most magical thing in a relationship is that you sacrifice and nobody would ever know that you did; only time unveils it in front of your eyes and you realize the worth of a person.
Let it be a lover relation or a parent – children relation or anything else. That’s  what I learnt : is to hold on to those tender strings strongly and  never let go of them ; they  bind our heart naturally very strong and with malice if it grows inside ; is like fungus or termite which erases every complexity of holding it dear and makes it a very common thing which it ultimately is not.
If I start talking about his life I need pages to fill in but what tempted me to write was an image.
Having to live a tough life and bringing something back on the daily basis to feed us ; at that point and time we will wait for clock to struck 8 and we daughters and sons will hang around the fence to have a glimpse of him and to see what he is bringing for us. He would never point out our greedy self in fact laugh at our requirements to be fulfilled every day. Isn’t this very cute?
He was taking back in his hand; a bag full of hope…
He wished to start it better every day and end it in calm …
Bu know body would ever know what he had in his heart
Silence, unfathomable ocean of thoughts but he kept peace with himself
For how difficult it was to store it all inside and for whom?
Silently he will open his arm to embrace young lads
And all his tiredness will flew away just like that …
From heart to heart they will share tenderness and warmth
He will pass a smile and she will rub her arms
With this perpetual motion nights befalls
He will sleep between care and fear inside qualms

Happy week days ahead guys, by the way how was your weekend? I enjoyed very much sometimes solitude, sometimes hanging around with family. It was a long weekend and tomorrow seems a tough ride.
O' i would like to quote it here " No life is without its fair deal of pain so be thankful of what you have, what you enjoy and what you do - Remember there is someone watching over you "  
Later then.

Mishi I am trying to keep my promise and to write about myself more. Guess what it might take time to shorten this and be subjective =))

Take Care.

Friday, November 4, 2011

~ We Live Under the Same Sky ~

It was a bit foggy day and equally mystical night; a radio was tuned in a slightly lighter tone.
The guy hosting  the show was reading some famous poetry and talking about a world that seems really fragile; very tenderly as he was speaking about intricacies of life that I don’t know in which phase matters, Or when they make their appearance.

As a child our definitions are quite clear.  Everything is crystal clear as you look back then; with the eyes erected on heart but in late age canvas of life completely changes.

There is no adequate meaning or definitions and hence you play with this gratitude that few things might be placed well with the hit and trial we practice in our life.
Naturally chilly weather was seeping into my body through my bones and there was a time I felt helpless. Going on a walk and too lazy for the dinner; I decided to place my rugs right in front of a fire place looking at flames featuring aggression that my body was unable to show.
Thinking about promises I made back home. Leaving those eyes in pain and discomfort.
Thinking about times where I went wrong. Holding a lot of baggage in my chest. Sometimes words are not enough; sometimes they seize to flow, Sometimes you don’t know where to go but in the end what matters is the extra special care of heart; no matter whose heart it is.
I remember the question being asked time and again:  what is that ‘something’ more precious to you. Regardless of the fact what materials and feelings might be on the other side ; all I could thought of was a heart ‘ heart of gold’ this is what everyone has; every normal being until they go psycho but question to ask is who supports you if you ever been in such situation.

That’s how I ran away from things; that’s why I feel weakness in my bones.
Living under the same sky with different shades of the day made me cross millions of miles. Hiding away from you was not easy nor seeing you cry was but we as human go really selfish; instantly we start prioritizing things and sometimes it’s totally wrong in order. 

I don’t know if I will ever be with you again but one thing is for sure; in my heart I spaced you and many valuable people precisely. They can’t be overlapped, not be hidden or come under weight.

It’s that strong connection that will be ringing as soon as I will hear your name or when you whisper a thought about me in your old age or now.
The passion for you won’t be taken or ever shaken. Love can scarcely be found in happiness; it’s a strong friendship. Love can’t be found in distress they are mere hurtful emotions, sometimes mindless.
Love is found in your smile; in your eyes; taking care of your heart; being your back; reaching spiritual heights; finding you easily in the huge crowd; on the path over the road facing hardships but still giving each other hand and support to move on; drenched in rain hiding you under the cover right below the clouds; chasing the big sky and equally un measured life.

Happy weekend guys =)
Take Care of others heart because God lives in there.
**Yayyy holidays **