Friday, December 31, 2010

'You' And 'I' in this beautiful world

Tring! Tring! Another morning, I hoop myself in blanket and move up a bit, rubbing my eyes and my firm and square developed habit of looking at time; my mobile, begging this god forsaken clock for few more minutes hoping that everything will halt for a moment to observe my short lived sleep and then promise! I will wake up active, up and running.     
On the other side is my niece asking for something and I feign by every meaning telling her that I can’t speak right now and messaging her supersonic .I am unwell and was looking for some sleep but nah!
This mobile addiction : I saw plenty of messages asking for forgiveness and my eyes popping out a bit more(I liked the idea if people can forgive us that way,take a stamp and keep it for the day of judgment), some are wishing me 2011 and few stanzas describing and declaring 2010  as something bright and propitious. With my nephews reminding on even a sunny day about a rainy day quoting ‘happy raining season’ which actually made me move a bit to see outside the window, if it was actually raining? but sun showed up; by keenly throwing some of the rays on my face and made me bent my eyes Ya! Ya! You have power, happy!? And sternly the curtains closed.So I sent him an angry smiley asking him where the rain is? And he promptly replying that 'yesterday it was!'
Believe it or not, these events make me somewhat excited as well, there is a big wooden clock on the huge wall and everybody, repeat it silently and you will realize the intensity; everybody is gazing at that clock, this image is knitted by my mind so don’t confuse it with the London’s city …
Minutes hand moves slowly and steadily ahead, silence surrounds and clock tickles, making us move closer, one by one people adding up the crowd: and …and the three hands meet at common juncture its 12 :00:00 , unknown yelling,shouting out loud, some are interfering voices, few breaking the rhythm, we somehow stepped into the new world together.
We have had our hands completely ringed and locked, hoping that we will see this new day together, secretly praying never to let go of this hand, closing this chapter of bickering, may be for some, eliminating distress, increasing the patience and tolerance for each other, this time no ripples come between you and me.Lets start loving each other again.
Hmmm! So much that I can’t carve out by words, as the last December rain that made me go numb and making me absolutely go maniac about it, I can’t get rid of those beautiful scenes and I don’t want to pollute them either, things that normally get old are sometimes get ridden off, as I would like to get rid of my old clothes and shoes but this! may be not …
This last night of 2010 we sat by the woods, fired up, smoking away all the glitches and happiness making us go high, we feel each other within the nibbles of wood, within the noise of fire.Your golden face glowing as if sun plies for a new twist .We both see at this beautiful amalgamation of noise and glowing charm where darkness surround, at least we have nothing else to pay heed to, just you and me and this center of attention, where the world lighting up in your afterglow.
We passed the night looking at it soothing down as the passion goes down after so much of glorification and exuberance, lets aggregate ourselves again, lets forgive the pain and forget the differences: as we saw the sun rising up together, as together we make so much better… let entwine our energies for once , let’s start living again.
My world of word would never come to an and and this page surely would, I wish you all a very happy and healthy year ahead =)
P.S. Kashmiri kids are really on a mild extremism side, my brother asked my little cousin to have a new year bash (while kidding) and he raised his eyebrow and declared to already have entered into his new year one month before. I agree with him but lets enjoy, for 'YOU' and  'I' make a beautiful world together. Not today! Just everyday!
*Allah bless us all*
Don't forget to change the date, I always miss it =S

Monday, December 27, 2010

Lets Whisper Aloud


                                            lets whisper aloud in the silence, among the crew of stars

After all the rush of the day when hurricane come to soothe for a moment. I lay down, relax and I think of the days, with a sudden jolt by a memory, dwindling through me, remembering the very point where I knew I was gone or the mo that took me somewhere high and I felt the world in my hand and life within me running fast through spine, when adrenalin rushed and I couldn’t expect any more. I look up over the huge twinkling sky, with the patches of cloud covering the beautiful ply and the silhouette that goes from here to there. I control the curve of my lip, look above again, thank you for saving me when I knew that moment was me and all the world and the very next just you and I stood nowhere .I smile with my facial expression not in my control, looking for your benevolence and feeling you somewhere really close to heart .

Friday, December 24, 2010

A Butterfly Post

If only time gave me another chance to see: to stand here on the ground, blacked out, knucklehead, shunning all the senses which ever made any sense to me, quiet and oblivious to the fact it’s a dream. I stood by my dream wanting to delve more, drenched away more. Trying to reach out the sky that looked far far away: we ran together in the mist of the day, trying to catch that butterfly flying high and away and touching the flowers as we surpass them, adding laughter to their beauty and days to our history ------- I once again re-lived it but the time I made posture exactly like yours and with the victory when I wanted to cry out loud, it was over. It was over with not a petty sign of distress and the same comfort we always walked with but my mania to compete you still subsists and I will hope everyday to intervene my imagination and outsmart you this time more swiftly.

A part of us which is driven by family, siblings or friends. Were you the one who looked up to someone or you made others to walk like you?
'I want to be around people who are fizzing and bubbling and never say a common place thing and they are like fireworks they are bursting in the sky and making everybody go aaaaaaa'.   (UnKnown).

Monday, December 20, 2010

'Hope' that calls out fortitude or it jitters ?

Few days back i unexpectedly switched on the television.Why i say unexpected because it scarcely happens

that i sit at my own and that too for long.

My entertainment on television is driven by my sister,click! click! click! and i gazing upon everything that

comes in between and sometimes my sister too.This time it was me and my eyes without even once


In few Minutes scenario changes. A girl standing in confession box type of thing and

the panel of judges looking fiercely towards their prey,then our very own and known inscrutable music.  

Hush!Silence!Finally spell breaks down,one of the judge after clearing her throat threw a question as if

another gauntlet thrown at the audience accumulating in that one person.

What 'Hope' for you is ?

(Before i quote an answer let me tell you it wasn't a soap or a drama,it was a de-bating competition and they are trying to find best eloquent speaker and this was an extempore)

So the girl in confession box looked again as if she hasn't heard a question because of the noisy silence around but she moved :
Ahem!Uummm! Few broken words. She tried again to recollect voices in her head.

'Hope for me is a Child with no clothes.. errr...He is in tattered clothes and he is still happily playing with the kids of her age around, this is a Hope for me' .

I found it really interesting and i took my mobile hastily and threw a message to one of my friend who i

knew will reply quick before i even press send button 'I HOPED'.

Answer i got was  'Hope for me is a belief that God Exists'.

I without even measuring the answer threw same question at me but instead of an answer

i had an image in mind which i could of course see vividly and when i tried to jot it down this was what i got,

The Outcome:

'Hope for me is a moment which i want to re-live hundred millions time more even though i am not sure when this breath would last'

Now let me give you images that instantly came in mind:

Hope is a patient lying on his bed and his caretakers right besides him and he can barely move but he Moves! He place his hand over hers to ensure everything is going to be alright and he drops ....

Hope is when i was trying to place my foot on the ground and for some odd reason my foot quivers and i fell from the top of mountain, moving up was my luck which is half percent chance,moving down was my destiny apparently and 'I' so very wanting to hold my hand at some support hoping that i Will get back to the ground again and then a  'hand' grabbed me firmly, moved me up i am bruised and wounded but i am safe.

And if you are asked any of such question: will you stop and follow the picture or will stammer and watch your words before you spill it ? 
I 'Hope' to see you Again =)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Beauty that Fades Away ...

It's 19th of december and i happened to recieve a call from one of my far far living uncle.
He is on the other side of the phone and i as usual after having long debate of why i love pakistan and why i want to stay here(ill keep this topic for my up comming post), passed on the call to my ammi(my mother) who is next in queue to let her ear drum struck a bit .

As usual i wasnt taking interest about the discussion nor i was interested to know who is doing what in family but one statement indefnitely took my interest .

My mother said, 'Sab kuch reh jata, khubsurati khatam hu jati hai '
Translation : Everything stays except Beauty .

And with a sigh! She looked at her hands, those hands who worked  24 hours for me and were the most secure place in the whole wide world. I so very wanted to run towards her and after giving a warm hug; wanted to tell her that her beauty is still alive and will never fade away.

As far as i can see of my mother in my past- is the women with long curly hair that I so very wanted to inherit and all my young years i used to believe that my straight hair will get a twist one day as quick as i am gonna grow up but it never happened .

She had beauitful hands and a good height with pleasing personality as you can expect a kashmiri woman to be and now when this statement haunts me that beauty fades away;  makes me realise about so many things .

Once my khala was looking for a girl, for some of her relative and her only requirenment was that the girl should be fair and beautiful endless.Today i was wondering if beauty is as important as character and good name is? If beauty actually comes from inside or is just about how you maintain yourself.

I know this is a long debate between beauty and brains and sometimes beauty and character but people who we love appear to be beautiful in every design and every pattern so much that when we look at them even in smog;  they are the most vibrant and burnished. They rule!.

And if finally you have to choose, which one would you pick ?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Visit To A Cancer Hospital

It takes your 15min or so to make it happen:

As we happened to see the war between love and pain, suddenly there were enumerable thoughts rummaging through the mind. The grim story of anguish, misery and helplessness.
Mother who stood by stoned; looking at her 22 year age girl with hopes in her eyes as we see her and infinite thoughts that we failed to calculate and therefore will fail to convey them to you .For us there are images in our mind at mercy of our photographic memory and that’s it .While we conversed there was no feeling of deprivation, there was a hope and silence in such a noise and serenity as we see her smiling even at flat refusal on survival of her daughter.
 There were kids who knew nothing, couldn’t measure the existence of a being even and were perforated with the drips and injections that crippled the touch we so very wanted to give them right away.
Later on we witnessed that one of the girl managed to move her hand towards her caretaker or father with her forehead frowning and her voice sulking a little more in pain.
And then a father who moved her kid swinging in a ray of hope all the way towards himself and he perhaps wished to have taken all her pain and can let it melt it into his chest.
As the picture we portrayed might look grim but to be fair and honest we all feel pure and refreshed over the weekend with this trip we made to Shaukat khanaume (Pakistan biggest Cancer Hospital).
Money does matter and alms should be given but to witness It for once strengthens the believe system that god exist and there are gods people who are suffering .We are blessed and so are they because their pain will be relieved with the special gift of god that’s unforeseen to us but it makes us adamant there is someone who is running this nature and its people, their pain and their happiness.
Apart from that all feelings and emotions that one undergo Shaukat khanaume is one well established hospital  with the very sympathetic  staff and a congenial atmosphere .We  felt as if we know everyone and have met them before many  times. Adding cherry on the top; the most beautiful thing is that not a single person knows who is getting examined on his own money or on charity. May god bless all patients at Shaukat Khanuame .We Pray that they survive and survive so well to become artist, debaters ,run business as we saw them actively engrossed in their passion .With the little gifts and toys we saw them jumping expressing , smiling that alone made our day  .
If god give us power and heart to swallow and mind to witness: do pay them visit and don’t forget to share your 15 minutes or so ….

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
All filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today
While thinking of the many things
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me
As much as I love you
And each time that you think of me
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me
Please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name
And took me by the hand.

He said my place was ready
In heaven far above
And that I would have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life I'd always thought
I did not want to die.

I had so much to live for
So much yet to do
It seemed almost impossible
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad
I thought of all the love we shared
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday
Just even for a while
I would say goodbye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized
That this could never be
For emptiness and memories
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things
That I might miss come tomorrow
I thought of you and when I did
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me
From his great golden throne.

He said "This is eternity
And all I've promised you.
Today for life on earth is past
but here starts anew."

"I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last.
And since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past."

"But you have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things
You know you shouldn't do."

"But you have been forgiven,
and now atlast you're free.
So won't you take my hand,
and share your life with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me
Don't think we are far apart
For everytime you think of me
I am right here in your heart.


I knew world is round still I hooked by the corner!

(trotted my steps were, stumbled i walk. i knew you will hold ,if things fall apart)

As I pass by the road on the company’s vehicle; I hardly get my mind empty, like a view on the water side when the tire ruthlessly moved over, drenching into it and throwing splashes in the closer vicinity.

Like a reflection that I see from the window of the cars in canal, showing off light, dazzling and the noise, hustle bustle, which moved the periphery I am in. Then the smoke: you call it pollution but it almost  happened to smoke away many beautiful, neck wrenching,smirky, glittery memories rite now that i happened to spend with you .

I reached home that day with the heavy heart because I saw my life time on the voyage while the cars crossed by and that too in a reflection over the water, interesting it was!

People ask for reason of your quietness, of your going into a numb state, for a moment I thought; one enjoys solitude when nothing else in this world is there to give any extra thought, to bog you down, when you feel yourself in you, your hand in your own hand, you are speaking to yourself, when you are in hassle to relive so many voices that are pounding in your head and funny isn’t it that people call it your quietness in such dissonance.

I declare it a common phenomenon: so if you do this to me, I will do this to you too. Still I like the way you ask ‘why you are quiet’!

Its funny how things are connected I was enjoying my reminisce and I get to hear something relevant to it, ahh! Reason, Season and Life Time ; how these creatures, these mere mortal , simple soil fixture write things that are so heartfelt.This is how I find and inkling that god’s planning is pretty stronger then the little things I try colligating to extract out meanings of like ‘why this happens to me, why am I so unlucky, why I am so happy, why he/she enjoyed, why I reprieve. So on and so forth, well I believe in nature and its planning, so when you back bite me,I ignore because it never mattered or more precisely I didn’t care , when you hit me I won’t forgive and hit you back and then ask for forgiveness---God! I was hurt badly I swear upon you! , you reprimand me on the things that I call my principles; I will forgive you after a minute of when I lose temper! You left me in darkest of period, I forgive you because without it wasn’t possible to raise up so strongly to catch up with the world, to know my energies.I hold nothing against you because I developed this sense to forget things that can pinch my beautiful lifetime.

Anyhow being in myself reminded me of so many reasons to smile, seasons of joy, my lifetime memories.
People who matter, they matter, funny it is, you mattered to me I never knew this till you were with me, it happened the day we plan to carve up.

I hold nothing against you, just loving memories, my little prayers, a hope to slowly but surely meet you again somewhere and to make you my lifetime memoir my friend!

Friday, December 17, 2010

My Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

It feels immensely strange to move your enshrouded self from paper to electronic media but for me dear diary' you will remains the same.

From child hood i gave extraordinary importance to work on paper , e.g. my exams result once came out to be pathetic and i had to dig them down in soil and mud and guess what for i dont know how long i used to think about those paper like a secret treasure ---- it felt like i had a closed book, a valuable possession somewhere under the ground which any one can open again and therefore book will be re-read .
I believe as a child our faith is strong enough, sometimes we live our vision, some time we change it and yet at times we follow the theory 'survival of the fittest' all along the way till we grow up and dress our vision in our own way .

So comming back to my faith in child hood, i believed strongly that once things moved completely out of sight under ground i.e. i have salvaged them from all vicious eyes and now when i am grown up! i think nothing has changed in me .I still can move my secrets to paper and bore them underground and make them part of a history .

Writing here is like an open room of a steer meeting where highly profund and articulate people are trying to guage, think and make a judgement , curse ,laugh , smile , do whatever they like to.
 Some time pose and Sometimes upright ...

Till i befriend this medium; i hold all my fears and apprehensions to myself and step in blogsvilla to write all i can for how world and sprightliness reflected in my eyes !