~I have a feeling that tonight gonna be a good night ~

Err… at some good instant today I tried signing in to my blogger’s profile and rush towards latest posts i could read and came across a blogger friend’s post which made me feel a little more embarrassed.
Btw my weekend starts today and I realized today was the last working day of my 2011 and we are entering into 2012. Anyways coming back to the post; it was second tag post asking me to write something about myself. I also realized how reserve I am when it comes to sharing something about me. I was quite strict with my rules initially and when ultimately I had to settle with the society with more people I never saw before; those things in me got jumbled up. In effort to keep myself on track I did hit and hurt myself many a times. Well mishi not writing about the post literally marks two more things in me 1) I was struggling with a lot of things now a days 2) I am lazy 3) There are some self imposed things on me which makes me feel miserable at times :P .

In short I have grown up to be a very sensitive person and also little things have started hurting me more than I used to or maybe I am finding myself in these hinges too. I have started feeling responsible of a lot of things at home and at office or with friends which necessarily shouldn’t be taken that serious and can be dealt as the time comes.

So without any waste of time I am going to answer questions associated with this tag post. I hope my excuses sound powerful enough.

1-*Mention at-least 5 good things that happened with you this year.

Hmm good things tough question.

- We shifted to a new place; I will call it a good thing.

- I was promoted to a senior level position.

- I am by the real grace of Allah getting things that I planned.

- I drove and drove and driving means a stabilizer of mind and body no?

- I got to know my family more and with every passing day I drew closer to them =))

Really I had to write a lot of things but those things couldn’t be carried by these five points. In short my spiritual relation with god kept on following sine wave but his relation with me stayed constant. I have more and more love for him then the love I grew up keeping for him in my heart =))

   2-*At-least 5 things that you desperately want to do next year.

hmmm that’s a good one but it’s not about the year; it something that I keep on planning but I do hope I get some more courage to deal with myself first

-      I want to buy a car; my personal car. With this hope that this change is going to free me with chain of dependency I had. I wish so.

-      I want to control my sensitivity; if I see someone having an accident early morning on road and his forehead bleeding …I need to move forward hoping that there are a lot of miseries and you can’t put yourself down like that .Need to control those eyes that ultimate gave a tunnel to clearly see what is running in heart. Need to be strong. Very strong.

-      Want at least two of my siblings getting married this year. Really Really Really!!!!! I hope you are able to see intensity

-      Want to be of some help for my family especially my mother. I love her.

-      Want to be a bit more decisive about my career. This year should make me more better at what I am doing or simply quit IT industry and work out on my weight ; my dresses freshness health diet :P not that I am planning to be a house wife in 2012 lol

3-*At-least 5 things that you want to avoid next year.

Hmm 5 things I want to avoid

-      Avoid people who cannot deal with me and my nature. Believe me people would never change their selves but would like you to change for them. Excuse them and ask them to spare you. Deal with them with your chin up.

-      Avoid eating junk food and focus on healthy food (LOL) ;)

-      Avoid being lazy and show up every day YES!

-      Avoid laziness again and be regular in my prayers and building up a healthy relation with my lord.

-      Avoid being over sensitive.

-      Avoid getting sick. 2011 from March I am suffering from enormous problems, I am glad I am better now. Just imagine I utilized whole outpatient facility on me. Hmmm

Phew!!! I am done yayyyy. I really wanted to write something at the end; a poem perhaps but I am not in my full groove at the moment.Thank you blogger friends for being with me thorough every thick and thin. At least I am sure you would hardly harm me. And then I would like to meet you one day so whosever comes to Pakistan and Lahore please post it down on your blogs and maybe we can share our experiences that way =))

Take care

Have a very happy weekend =)

O by the way I have been listening to this song whole day:

Khwab adhoray sahi ;khwab saharay tu hein
dreams may never be accomplished but they are our support

Rush Hour

If to worry could solve my problems I must have worried whole day and whole night but it came to me that worrying is not only squeezing my energies but also making me weaker on this promising day.

I also inferred that my thought processes were diverted more towards pessimism rather than being energetic and strong. These lessons were fed by nature in chunks and hence taking its due time for evaluation.

Today I planned to take an off from my office and managed to see daylight happenings as well. Half of my day was spent following the sun shines; something that was so soothing and making my chilled bones active. I was glad to see a lot of birds chirping; Alas! My digitally to good to be true life has nothing in it that can make me praise this nature! 

I could see a lot of kids playing in street shouting aloud, running behind guys selling pop corns and ice cream. Fearless laughter, pranks and a little girl who is jumping on her feet and her feet taking turn with the snapping of her fingers. Humming in such a careless attitude; so overwhelmed; totally rolling in imagination.

 I had no idea how time slipped by ; I kept gazing at them and it also felt that I had wanting eyes ; a sadness occupied me somehow; something completely uninvited  ; I can’t be careless ; can’t be totally free ; sometimes I also feel I have lost myself in crowd and I need to accumulate myself to always keep it intact. Sometimes I want to hide, sometimes I want to rule.

Half of my heart is ready to take up challenges; the other half is just introvert; removes this fever.

Still new day seems to bring a lot of new things to catch up with. I wish to hinder my own self finding answers in others eyes. They don’t have vision as preemptive and as prepared as yours is for your own good.

Follow your intuitions they are somehow carrying all of the answers; sometimes we miss to interpret them well; sometimes we over write them but they come back to us; knock the door asking for another evaluation.

Hope you all are doing well and running at a good pace =))

See you again very soon.

Take Care 

~ All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys ~

There comes a time when your heart is blatantly not supporting your mind; you feel disjointed and not belonging to a world you mostly thought your living place to be. That’s how life takes few minutes to change whole analogy. Love, affection, and nostalgia everything fails to provoke anything that fell into deep slumber. You look around finding emotions or words that could heal this instant but it all goes in vain. This inertia however instills a new sensation; a will to be strong; a hope negating all eyes just meeting yours. You try to absorb everything even a sudden laughter, a clap or a hi five. You blame time which passes by without any kindness or good deed; spreading a spur of thoughts and moments around.

Suddenly you want to rush back and see how much change your people have undergone?

 If you could still find your old school, high school photographs and still find something to laugh at. If you can recognize faces that aren’t with you any more or purple letter head with a love letter that someone you never saw placed in your book and you made hundred assumptions about it; sometimes infuriated ; sometimes considering it foolishness or may be some old stamps you collected with zealous energies  and your attempts at making good signature name for big task awaiting ahead or first attempt to start joining hand writing or silly explanations of stanzas where you know; you just have to fill space when you even can’t understand what is the meaning of ‘freedom’ or ‘slavery’ or ‘hatred’ or 'love' or  ‘if your loved one has gone and how time can fill the gap' in poetry.

 It all comes to you; you want to go back in same street light; in same town holding a lamp and rolling around it or throwing arm around your brother and sharing same ice-lolly. It all does come back to you and you never want to let go of anything but an insecurity that enthralls you and you wrap your arms around with a street light still falling on your arms highlighting half of your face; little bruise you got while playing in childhood and you smile, you know how much you were able to save from the cunning eyes of so called time.

* Some times looking back is good sometimes it stones you. Ultimately our decisions are the choices we make and choices are half percent chance *

Laters
Happy Weekend =)

U-Turn

This time weather took a deeper swing. I could feel chilled bones and walking down the road was also hazy. There were few lamps blinking on the road and silence; as much as I needed at that moment. I don’t know why we had to cross at this particular crossing. Not only our eyes met; there was a magnetic effect that clanged upon us. I stood quite as my feet were stoned and I could hardly see upfront. At my back was my past that I crossed with all affection and this abjuration was never intended. He was speaking as if he was miles away; about so many things which slugged my head and found nowhere to go. The echoing voices around; it felt he never had any full stops in his life. The voice kept hovering the air breaking every element of eeriness around. That’s the only time I wished earth should not be round.


Take Care guys; busy days but an urge to write keep us going. no?

I hope you all are good and healthy ...

See you all very soon and thanks for stopping by =)

* Also i am suppose to write a tag post which is half way to completion. lest it will be coming soon :$ *

Short Stories

Agony

Agony is not watching you deteriorating every day as a tree that fell down in forest one in a million but it is what it is, real pain is to measure the time that’s swiftly going forward without you, so there were two possibilities to keep everything intact either to spend rest of my life digging down the pain we saw together or to keep a burner in my hand and search for you places and in people. But the real agony is that; choosing either of the way is not going to decrease anything neither in time nor in heart.

Satisfaction

That was quite a nasty day with nature playing absolute pranks with me; leaving my bro car in a tightly packed traffic and hunting for a rickshaw made me meet a girl who have found inner peace. Wow! What a feel and contentment I could see as she spoke about the job she left to taking a veil.  The distance that she travelled for finding purity in love is just like piling up the raw facts and peeling them up for further simplification. She cooked best food for her infinity while I was still pulling myself in traffic finding my way to office with whirlpool of other thoughts scripting away this facet quite quickly in my mind’s chamber at lowest degree possible.

A Monologue

There are people in this world who will put their weaknesses on you. So be brave; finding problems in yourself is sanity but considering yourself a culprit always is foolishness.  Sometimes forgiveness is important but there are a time when keeping your dignity becomes imperative. Life will put you in a situation when your cooked food will come out to be raw; that’s the point where real decisions are taken. Be sure; real person stand by his decisions; others they just run away leaving their self almost nonexistent not only here but in the life hereafter.

Feeling

--Zara chehra tu dikhao aur thora sa muskarao – Duniya ke ghum bhulao aur thora sa muskurao --

What comes to your mind singing this song? While as far as I am concerned it brings a face absolutely hidden; sometimes batting eyes sometimes a vision; often very fragile of ‘someone’ … replaced by strong ‘someone’ and vice verse. A feeling is precious as it is occasionally produced and promises a lot of affection; once disrupt breaks the charm as a wine glass breaks down in a hustle. It not only damages divinity of the moment but also spread shattered pieces of glass making it meaningless. So secure your expressions from the outside world it is between you and that one 'someone'. For others it is just an entertainment.

~ Take care Guys ~

( The idea of sharing these stories is like sharing mine or other's day to day experience with you . 
If you like them i will try to put more notes quite often. It not only helps me summarizing long experiences but also make me realise apt use of words. While i am still in progress-- )

=)

~ My Day Shall Come ~

a season will come...

we will jublify all the resentments 

and make merry about tomorrow 
of hidden happiness and drift away sorrows 

that day shall come ...

we will throw arms around each other 
and spread the laughter 

for this life is twined with tiny little things 
tiny little happiness in your tiny little eyes 

as they shine with tiny little light 
and your hand marks the future with tiny little lines 

that day shall come when words would pour like water from Niagara falls 
and we will take a bath in heavenly shower of all

and my day shall come when i will rise above myself 

if lost in woods, found , read or propel

I am going through bunch of those days which usually shut down inner voices and there are random pictures going in front of your eyes. Like looking for a solution without considering your own opinion. Like you are invisible in the crowd or to make your self distinct in the crowd you stand on chair and shout but your voice go unnoticed.

Yesterday our land lady fell quite ill. Since i come back home slightly late so i miss most of the happenings of the day. The sight of my mother in exasperation told me millions of stories and if she hadn't uttered a word i might have bursted out thinking about million of things that possibly could go wrong. My mother is quite sensitive heart and she can hardly control emotions or boundary line them. That lady is quite aged and as much as i see in her eyes is the insecurity about her things and her assets. It keeps me wondering what goes into our heart as we group up. Half of our life is spent struggling hard; making name in this big world; setting our foot right; finding our fit survival and rest half in taking care of them. 

Suddenly a phone bell rang; Her son spoke at the other end from US .

he : What happened to mom?

someone here: she is not well...

he : what do you mean by not well?

someone here: she has been admitted to hospital.

he : can you exactly tell what happened to her?

someone here: she felt dizzy and hit the car but nothing damaged her apparently 

he : what's dizzy ?

someone here :( for god sake; you are living in America and cant understand whats dizzy... but may be he is worried )... errr... it means she was in half sleepy mode and  partially awake. 

he: Is she breathing? 

someone here: Of course please don't worry she will be alright! 

suddenly there was a sleek noise in silence; someone was breathing making it difficult to breath through nasal; then sobs and tears.

she will be alright i said!!!

Cal dropped...

I could feel the pain but couldn't find the intensity of it till i heard that old lady saying " my son! please forget me.. forget me please!"

So that sums up our life cycle. Life that we ought to live for others sometimes seems too far ; sometimes just goes away like that ; sometimes its the idea of living sometimes it is just a normal doing. 

I don't know what meaning you might get from this post but i couldn't discuss it with myself to run into conclusion. Few years back when i was young and could gaze directly into people eyes made me go positive ; but now it seems so fragile. 

Like a rose that suddenly starts decaying or it flies away leaving its root behind.

By the way lady had a stroke in process but she is fine by the grace of Allah =)

Take Care and hope to see you all soon!

I hardly get time to write and read you guys which definitely means i am missing on a lot of good stuff but i will share what i read from you ; read from others or learnt it finally; no matter how rough that way was =)

<3

Language of Expressions

You turned everything the way you thought was better; and I entrusted you with all my head and heart.  Even if that was a game I played with my eyes closed; trusting on first vibe that hit my mind or picking the chit that was just between you and me.

In my childhood you were an inch away; now there are some clouds and more gushes of wind or smoke that fills the air. Where did I lose you; where did I stumbled on way or broke the bricks that built my heart where I pursued you?

There are illusions and realities that hit me on blindside or early morning alone I thought I suddenly am missing you.  But ‘hope’ that constitutes the pillar of all weaknesses or substitute the faith to be on par.

You were there when world twitched a bit but I was away when flying without fear.

Today I realized what I am missing so I gave you my hand; with my head nodded; I decide to walk right behind you. There is no question or reason than to tell you that if degrees starts from 0 to 10 where 0 is life and love is higher on scale then there is no way to get it wrong you always mark the start or the  end.

Dear god, thanks for giving us everything; there is too much to say; too  much to quote; way too much to remember  but we have learnt the language of expressions that our tongue doesn’t speak ; they are whispered straight  through the heart and pass secured as they go towards you.

 Catch you soon guys

Take Care =)

' No Life Is Without Its Deal Of Pain '

Who am I? A question stung me quite a lot of times before and even after reaching conclusion my spirits wander across the surface. Reaching a point where definitions are strong but dimensions deviate.

Thinking about a life that passed just right in front of my eyes is like waiting for a train to come at stop to accommodate passengers in it ;  you hear its voice coming towards you  ; but it whooshes away and then across you. Without even stopping; it passes by you with a chilled steam fuming away marking a sign of good bye.

Getting a chance to see many facets of human personality rising up and down gives me an outlook of making assumptions if not understanding reality.

Mediocre life is a complete amalgamation of keeping up your standards and making yourself better in the hindsight. You would never know about it till you exercise it .

 Till my college and university life I used to think about myself as a very independent person who did everything by her own will and with her own hands. I used to work hard; the competition I always felt with my fellows was just like a game I used to play with the swords ; swirling to make my way towards my final destination.

With this aptitude let me clear one thing that I relied this competitive streak upon my prayers and spirituality that I was very strong with. What disturbed me the most, as I grew up was a feeling that I was fairly drifted away with the principles and religion I used to hold myself strong on , but our god is fair in his dealings too if you tend to go towards him one step he returns it in a much better way.

As I grew up and having lost one of my parents I realized many things; many short comings insecurities flew right in front of my eyes. However I will boundary lines this post with this statement that whatever I am today has a fair deal of parents; environment they tried to keep me in and standards they asked me to follow. Sometimes I am on the way but at the same time I may dwell in a wrong lane.

My father had a tough life as he migrated from Kashmir to Lahore to earn bread and butter and he on his shoulder had a burden to pave way for his whole family including many brothers.

Most magical thing in a relationship is that you sacrifice and nobody would ever know that you did; only time unveils it in front of your eyes and you realize the worth of a person.

Let it be a lover relation or a parent – children relation or anything else. That’s  what I learnt : is to hold on to those tender strings strongly and  never let go of them ; they  bind our heart naturally very strong and with malice if it grows inside ; is like fungus or termite which erases every complexity of holding it dear and makes it a very common thing which it ultimately is not.

If I start talking about his life I need pages to fill in but what tempted me to write was an image.

Having to live a tough life and bringing something back on the daily basis to feed us ; at that point and time we will wait for clock to struck 8 and we daughters and sons will hang around the fence to have a glimpse of him and to see what he is bringing for us. He would never point out our greedy self in fact laugh at our requirements to be fulfilled every day. Isn’t this very cute?

He was taking back in his hand; a bag full of hope…

He wished to start it better every day and end it in calm …

Bu know body would ever know what he had in his heart

Silence, unfathomable ocean of thoughts but he kept peace with himself

For how difficult it was to store it all inside and for whom?

Silently he will open his arm to embrace young lads

And all his tiredness will flew away just like that …

From heart to heart they will share tenderness and warmth

He will pass a smile and she will rub her arms

With this perpetual motion nights befalls

He will sleep between care and fear inside qualms

Happy week days ahead guys, by the way how was your weekend? I enjoyed very much sometimes solitude, sometimes hanging around with family. It was a long weekend and tomorrow seems a tough ride.

O' i would like to quote it here " No life is without its fair deal of pain so be thankful of what you have, what you enjoy and what you do - Remember there is someone watching over you "  

Later then.

Mishi I am trying to keep my promise and to write about myself more. Guess what it might take time to shorten this and be subjective =))

Take Care.

~ We Live Under the Same Sky ~

It was a bit foggy day and equally mystical night; a radio was tuned in a slightly lighter tone.

The guy hosting  the show was reading some famous poetry and talking about a world that seems really fragile; very tenderly as he was speaking about intricacies of life that I don’t know in which phase matters, Or when they make their appearance.

As a child our definitions are quite clear.  Everything is crystal clear as you look back then; with the eyes erected on heart but in late age canvas of life completely changes.

There is no adequate meaning or definitions and hence you play with this gratitude that few things might be placed well with the hit and trial we practice in our life.

Naturally chilly weather was seeping into my body through my bones and there was a time I felt helpless. Going on a walk and too lazy for the dinner; I decided to place my rugs right in front of a fire place looking at flames featuring aggression that my body was unable to show.

Thinking about promises I made back home. Leaving those eyes in pain and discomfort.
Thinking about times where I went wrong. Holding a lot of baggage in my chest. Sometimes words are not enough; sometimes they seize to flow, Sometimes you don’t know where to go but in the end what matters is the extra special care of heart; no matter whose heart it is.

I remember the question being asked time and again:  what is that ‘something’ more precious to you. Regardless of the fact what materials and feelings might be on the other side ; all I could thought of was a heart ‘ heart of gold’ this is what everyone has; every normal being until they go psycho but question to ask is who supports you if you ever been in such situation.

That’s how I ran away from things; that’s why I feel weakness in my bones.

Living under the same sky with different shades of the day made me cross millions of miles. Hiding away from you was not easy nor seeing you cry was but we as human go really selfish; instantly we start prioritizing things and sometimes it’s totally wrong in order. 

I don’t know if I will ever be with you again but one thing is for sure; in my heart I spaced you and many valuable people precisely. They can’t be overlapped, not be hidden or come under weight.

It’s that strong connection that will be ringing as soon as I will hear your name or when you whisper a thought about me in your old age or now.

The passion for you won’t be taken or ever shaken. Love can scarcely be found in happiness; it’s a strong friendship. Love can’t be found in distress they are mere hurtful emotions, sometimes mindless.

Love is found in your smile; in your eyes; taking care of your heart; being your back; reaching spiritual heights; finding you easily in the huge crowd; on the path over the road facing hardships but still giving each other hand and support to move on; drenched in rain hiding you under the cover right below the clouds; chasing the big sky and equally un measured life.

Happy weekend guys =)

Take Care of others heart because God lives in there.

**Yayyy holidays **

Phase Shift --->

Our world is magical so is our love

So is our hatred so is our hope ….

Everything that put me in gush

Run adrenaline rush  

Fills my heart with enormous words

Run through my eyes is your solicitor self

How you told me run for yourself

My feet might swore when hope deters

But look what I have for my better

Lots of love, hope and peace

Sometimes I just sway as if this world is in my realm

Tonight is a good night, with my hands held tight on a mug of melted chocolate, cold coffee with a scope of ice cream giving a perfect ending to my day before next week starts.

Also this day was different because I shopped a bit alone in resentment and out of my angry self against my sister who didn’t show up for me. This one thing makes me quite angry if people who you are dependent upon turn their back for a little or better reason. Anyways this whole fight was for shopping. This week interestingly I had nothing to share even though I wanted a lot of things to be penned down but didn’t get a chance to be on my laptop. Oh! It is quite beautiful to use my old laptop again after a long time. It’s like cherishing my passion and dream for buying it. This is the first thing that I bought from my first pay two years back ; so I hold it quite dear =)

 For a lot of people who know me; they know I hold this passion for certain things and when I do then I madly run after them and then maybe then I will take a sigh of relief.

Thought of today was an old age. Today I saw my mother sighing at twitching of her muscle. I saw her moving rather budging quite slowly towards the room.  I saw her sleeping a bit more than usual hours. Instantly being very touchy and being apologetic on wrong statements made or wrong question asked or if we thought she asked this thing a few hours ago. Being in this situation; made me realize my duties towards her; this phase shift of her personality is something to deal with.
For people who we always paint so perfect, who know us inside out, whose love is our heart whisking in throughout-- is just a jerk to be taken.

For you Ammi:

Your love is a shadow on the wall and for enormous times I just pushed myself hard to fit in the map; to fill in the pattern but I realized there are a lot for things to be learned; to be earned; to be one who is centre of attention in our home and in our heart.  Wrinkles on your hand and forehead narrate hundred of stories and I never forget how much I need to be thankful to our creator. I know this phase shift is evident and cant be controlled but I just wanted to make sure that with you;  we are without you; we wither.

Needless to say; take care of your parents; hold their hand while crossing road ; bring yourself upfront so that sun rays may never pinch their skin for this is what they had been doing all their life.

If you have happened to lose one of your parent or both; pray for them. There is nothing in this world more effective than a prayer murmured from the deep valleys echoing through heart.

Take Care guys

Happy work days ahead!

 =)

Sweet dreams; dreams are important they have fringes of tomorrow ...

Distance

( Distance always dispatches a lot of lessons from there , a lot of  love and  immense care; Sometimes it is totally opposite )

Believe it or not! Somewhere in your life; a distance comes in between.  A distance that shows bare necessity of survival; sometimes becomes most impulsive notion. And that in return marks picture of solitude that counts each mile on the road.

Distance is here now in the moment; in the silence and the darkness brushing green plants; it is there in intense emotions. 

Distance is here in the foggy path with two trespassers unknowingly gazing at each other collapsing thoughts; a momentum with which they were counting footpath or sometimes counting upon it. A sudden thought and a drift to move ahead because distance has to be covered.

A distance comes in between when you had to say last word of devotion; show last gesture of emotion  to complete one story but it subsides granular hope-- leaving distance to be felt … a grieve of lost heart ; lost mind but it has to be covered in one way or the other.

It’s a negotiation in the boundary less sky and intimacy of clouds followed by rain; sometimes it’s just there in the words heartfelt; sometimes it’s a hope letting all deprivation to be set free.

In the measure less unit it hums in our life; in early forties or late sixties it brings an analogy; a measure of life spent or to be spend.

Distance is the target; it’s a man who watches all green leaves being crushed under his feet but it has to be covered one way or the other in the grieve or believe .

Another random abstract post ; a thought process behind this post cannot be summed up but I was just staring at airplanes that always make me feel distant or gazing this overwhelmed sky or the green plant whose branches drop down the fence. They all have a story it seems.

Have you ever felt those winters; where there is a mist and a specific aroma around; checked in warm clothes; a mug in hand; walking, suddenly you hear footsteps and unintentionally you will move up a little on your feet to see those unknown faces in the fog?

It seems winters are coming soon to this part of region.

My wish for this winter is to see snow but with happiness of it and scream and joy of playing with it not with the specific silence that winter always bring along. =))

Happy weekend guys!

I have developed this fear of travelling on road in effect of an accident. I am safe with the grace of Allah; hope to get rid if it soon  =))

Be safe and take care.

~ Serenity ~

Finally I am settling in new house. Finally mornings are not so much Unknown and evening so alien. 

Finally I am watching ahead of being in state where I was counting minutes and sometimes seconds to cross this barrier. Now it’s time to look ahead, buy new things, start work afresh, paint new walls of wishes and imaginations.

And stay amused about time … that always proves me wrong; never stops for grim situation to let it be subsided, grab your hand and keep moving on.

Sometime gives you support to pull you up when you are hanging down the hill. Sometime laughs and sneers; drops you down and then you hit another ground but still survive.

 I really want some ‘time’ off … I feel tired after work and also it seems my whole day is being ruined by thoughts of this and that.

I miss peace of mind that comes with an accomplishment; it comes to me that I need to work for something else as well rather sitting in front of computer all day long.

So I want to be in a sail boat with water flowing around me

And for a moment it may happen;

A realization that earth and sky doesn’t exist

For some uncountable moments I will… I will feel life around me

And rhythm…the twinkle of serenity may flourish in amidst

I will broke down in pieces and sporadically overwhelm the air

With some of it glowing… some floating in river

And a part of me may fly with flocks of bird in air

In a rush less gear, without any fear

I will turn and twist and move in the space

And I might feel life…. life in myself

So you come down to me as a shadow in abyssal

and for a moment we will find in ourselves

end of  words 

end of expressions 

end of antonyms and similar indulgence

just gazing into each other eyes and remembrance

talking about the life

talking about the serenity

talking about the peace we lost in interim 

talking about the love we missed in frivolity

and we will hold hands and open the arms 

the last voyage and on sail we will end this calm....

Happy Weekend Guys . See you soon again. Gotta read few friends here as well ... so my wish for this weekend is that Sunday may pass so slowly as if minutes are hills to be climbed in a day.


O btw my lost love came to me after so many years ... the craziness of listening to it  on instrumentals and feeling words when i was even younger :P ... its like a wish to write such lyrics myself .Enjoy

Everytime I see you, well the rays of the sun are all
Streaming through the waves in your hair

And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes 

Like a spotlight 

The beating of my heart is a drum and its lost
And its looking for a rhythm like you

You can take the darkness from the deep of the night
And turn it to a beacon burning endlessly bright

I gotta follow it cause everything I know
Well, its nothing till I give it to you

Song :~ Making love out of nothing at all ~

~ I Can Never Be The Same Again --

My eyes are slightly swollen and at this time of night; unattended; stoned -- for how long I kept gazing at these stairs, glaring stars right from my terrace, these walls that have my little hands imprinted somewhere here and there, my little sweet wishes in specific aroma traversing from one room to other , my memories; memories of my family all jumbled up and tonight it seems I am burying them; trying to absorb as much as is possible or burry them in sequence in chambers of my heart and vaporize my emotions fueling up my heart right now that are forcefully trying to bring tears in my eyes.  

Sometimes I hate this sensitivity it’s over bearing. Sometimes emotions are childish; they play abnormal games but difference is that you can’t defend them in age where you are sane, responsible and so called powerful. Sometimes you have to be your own light; your own mentor; your own help or consolidator. Sometimes you have to carry your own weight no matter how many loved ones you have around; pat your back yourself and hold your palms and rub them together to give warmth to the ridden area. Sometimes sky is just collapsing and earth takes jitters but you hold your heart and wait for the storm to pass on with your back bent and eyes in swoons.

This is the place I grew up most in both sweet and somber accumulation. Unknowingly I sat near a flower for which I had been told in my child hood is the most aerie plant; the smell of it holds a magic. It certainly vets for something missing; it is the queen of night. And I kept wondering why unfair is the nature waking up king of the day in the day. How much she must be missing him.
And the congregation of stars and making random images in mind and guess game that kept going for many hours. Finally comparing skies we have seen in different areas, making assumptions about pollution, good and bad , zeal and zest.

The castles that I made in sand dunes with my feet completely drenched in cold sand marking my most imaginary plays and those bricks with which I used to adorn my dream house. It is then I learnt the difference between a house and a home. It took ages to have a comfortable sleep alone.

This house has a lot of fears and hopes kneeled down today and something just whispers near my ear. It’s time to go. Have a last look and go. World awaits for more challenges while I want to catch this time in my fist and never let go of it; to go back in time and  keep hold of my mother's dupatta  and walk right behind her and just follow where she steps in; to have this security that she won’t de track ever , i would never be missed or rubbed or nothing would be removed in time.

For once in my life I want to be like a kid; dropping my head on her shoulder, throw my arms around her neck and close my eyes to have some heavenly sleep. And she by chance of looking at me try to see if I am ok and also by her mysterious looks that they call 'love' make a way to look through the eyes deep into my heart.

Dear My  Space: thankyou for allowing me to vent it all out. I feel much better and now am ready for sleep. It is nothing just a change of place and one of my brother leaving  for good.You can read me so well that i am attracted towards you. Thankyou for keeping my emotions and not to question 'what why where who' . Thankyou!!!

~ Ye Nanhi Masoom Si Larki ~

Ye nanhi masoom si larki, Jane kia kia dhund rahi thi

Andheri gallion mein jese chand ka dhara dhund rahi thi

Anjany rastun mein phir badal they aur barkha thi

Najane wo chadar aurhay kab se ye sab taak rahi thi

Na janay kia khwaish thi dil mein, ankhun mein jo goonj rahi thi

Sahil , mandar , darya paani jese wo sab ghum rahi thi

Thori thori khamoshi thi aur phir bhonchal sa a jata tha

Wo dur kinare darya ke sang kuch sehmi sehmi dikhti thi

Wo nange paun rait mein lipti bhagi bhagi jati thi

Phir dur falak aur manzil na janay kese wo paa leti thi

Ye nanhi masoom si larki ghar ka rasta dhund rahi thi

Her ik sheh mein apne ghar ka pur ronaq manzar dhund rahi thi

Chandni raat aur ujhal bojhal , koi kinara dhund rahi thi

 Tangdasti aur alam-e- hu mein koi sahara dhund rahi thi

Is basti ke sehar kinare apna gharunda dhund rahi thi

Ye nanhi masoom si larki janay kia kia dhund rahi thi

My first official urdu poetry debut. I dont know how and when i am strike upon these ideas but trust me when i see my writings on paper i am left bemused. As in what i started to write and how i ended up .

I hope you enjoy it as much as i did while writing and finding these images . Kids they impress me alot in any form or found with any ideology. I cant sit much for story writing now adays so bear me up with slices of these thoughts .

I hope you all had a very good week so did i . A lot to come in my life ahead its like sitting in front of a pandora box and watching it opening up by removing wrappings and coverings of its own one by one.

Take care guys see you again soon =))

Stand By Me >< !!!

And if the darkness pulls me down, will you understand my roots are shattered,

Or if my tongue gets soured will you understand I have been bitten hard.

And the light that buzz around---Will you open room of divinity or perforate the mystery box and share the glee of symmetry

 But will you understand when weather gets colder and rain does shower; I have this urge to fly and when I l get colder will you provide enough warmth or ply

This mountainous rock that we see; that seems many miles away; I know we got to be there … so if I stumble my way will you guide towards it

Will you not pull my wrist tighter and walk just right beside me and if I start looking for other details will you jollify it

And when I get feeble enough and the charming beauty is also gone; will you still trespass and stop and write hundred words of my divinity

It has been a long, long walk and waiting for something unknown and fighting for oneself and be luck or lucky for the swollen soul or the support or may be an ailment or may be a healer but this way was a little too forlorn

so darling darling darling will you stand by, stand by me forever

 

Its Raining!!!

Few miles down the road, I used to cover in a jest.  Today they seem many miles away.

It’s not that today is some ironic display of finity but consistent sojourn, a sudden change in weather and a long thinking process.

It’s raining so succinctly as if these drops have a very soothing effect kneeling down the nerve and making your bones strong. At the same time; you don’t know which curve it causes more relaxation. Slightly sleepy head; trying to be there; where solace defines exaggerated picture of affinity.

The noise of this continuous beating of rain drops as if you are standing at the pinnacle; open arms embracing cool wind and a river which marks the successive flow of events; changing with every hindrance coming on its direction BUT  it grows with same objective. It is giving you assurance that somewhere it will go no matter what may happen. No matter how badly they cruise the path or may leave you dejected; it will reach where it has to.

Today ironically I am just concentrating on the rain and no other details. Not even about the kid who is gazing at the over showering sky with his mouth open and dancing to relive his joy nor the guy who is trying to jump brick on brick not to have a splash on his tidy clothes.

Sometimes things they come with so much pressure that you may find yourself moving with it avowal of the fact you tilted to move beneath it but you lost. Or sometimes this whirlpool just moves above your head so close that it was nearly about to gnaw at you, but you survive.

Today I have this thankful heart; a long thinking process and this rain while me in almost mildly litted room. A window that opens right towards the sky and this constant drizzling.

For a moment I just want to get hold of it, for some time more =)

In search of the Lost Soul

In the search of the lost soul …
Those feet that bled and bruises that shred,
something that was residing inside me

And constantly it knelt my fears and frets
But arose one spirit that confines me

The spirit that binds my love eventually grows
And love that holds idea behind me

In the desert that are barrens and dry grains of sand
I ran towards a shadow that broke and part the land

One is quenching, one leaves the tempt
And leaves me clueless which one to  lend

But in search of lost soul one must walk
If trotted steps taken or jumping from the dark

If gravity pulls you back or earth throws you pole to pole
Steps must be taken to find the lost soul

to see unwritten 
to wipe off the dirt 
to reach destination 
to engulf all the faith 
to breath in felicitation
to live in the love 
and love without inhibitions.


"Tere ishq mein jo bhi doob giya usay duniya ki lehrun se darna kia "
Whosoever drowned in your love; has no fear of living in this world


After listening to this soulful music time and again; i feel spiritually high 
where fears are tantrums thrown at us and living in this world a try. 


Hope to come up very soon with a story; i am missing story writing a lot=))
take care.