Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Getting Up !!!

My dear Ammi,

Today I missed you very much. To start with I thought of many lines, many phrases but at times perfection is not your target and for relations like parents there can’t be anything close as perfection other than themselves. I can’t find adjectives to describe what these relation means for a child.

 It’s been long since I wrote anything but today it became as vital as breakfast you used to make for me before I leave home. Should I call you a spoiler? Even if it is like that it never can beat the kind of feelings I had grown for you over the time. 

Can you imagine me staying away from you? I didn’t for at least last few days were like a real fast track ride. I had no idea what’s happening. I missed everyone and that too intensely but it didn’t make my life wait for a second, it kept on moving like a never ending road and I was moving on that road, doing stuff like fulfilling bare necessities but now I am afraid, as afraid as I used to get of thundering and lightning.

 I want to hold myself for a second and set my focus straight. Am I changing? By any means, I am just afraid I might lose myself in these incidents. With you my imagination was so strong I felt like a dragon who has this urge to fly in every season, to see wounded and healed ones, to cure them, to achieve, exhibit, see mountains and water and everything that felt great to us. It felt pretty much possible with you. But now it seems I need to revise what I want from life or may be life demanding changes from me. 

I want to remain the same person I used to be and you are the only person who can assure me of that, who can testify my originality. It’s so weird that I am not with you, someone who knows everything about me. 

Who knew my every state? At times this word scares me: ‘Ammi’ . I want to read you, read this word. 

How you felt during all that time your journey started: from being single to married then to become a mother.
How you might have felt leaving your routine life and accepting new. I wish you wrote a book for us or some guidelines. Or is this a possibility that we both knit an altogether different story? 

It scares me to even think how you might be feeling sending me away from you. I cannot fathom a bit how mothers can do that. Because for me I see everything as a symbol that reminds me of you.

 Life doesn’t stop for a second but it completely molds us in shapes we thought we can’t fit in.
And later on we feel so adjusted into it. Tell me! Isn’t this unfair.

These changes: we always hoped to bring positives and may be our life can’t be any better than what we are living but I want to miss you always and keep you in mind no matter what I do because you are a partner who knows me so well, who kept all my secrets, who taught me little thing as granular as brushing teeth. You really worked hard on us. I can’t thank you enough.  

But somehow, I get a feeling I raised as a very mysterious person. Things that I thought I CANT do, I am doing them.  This flexibility is surprising, very surprising as sudden tickling of rain from the sky that wets you and changes your mood, brightens your day and as hard as sun shines making every detail of your skin evident and treats it harshly as being stabbed. 

Ammi I want you to tell me that ‘life isn’t hard, it isn’t tough’ like you used to say to please me, to bring me at ease. Let me tell you ‘it worked’. Sometime positivity oozing out of a trusted one relaxes you, no matter if life holds a storm ahead. Tell me that life is as easy as eating a piece of cake with layers of almonds, caramel and pear.  It melts down in mouth, down through the throat making us happy, excited and endear.

From your ever loving daughter who fell down suddenly and got up to search for you.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


Along comes the month of February one more sweet time,
Basked in the warmth of a radiant sun, an all new shine…
Amid the whiff of spring and spirit, blooming flowers and hearty laughs,
Along comes the month of February, to once more make you mine…


Our love was flying
Our love was soaring
Our love was shining
Like a summer morning

Our love was static 
our love was greedy 
our love was glued 
like constellation of star gleaming

our love was silence 
our love was serene 
our love was rhythmic 
like oceans of dreams 

our love is power 
our love is magic 
our love is soul
of life endearing


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Untitled Days

It seems dryness on my skin is fading away which safely concludes weather here is changing, at times I fail to figure out which one suits me the most. In last few months I have been through a very different voyage of discovery, trying to figure out meaning of everything to least concerned about anything. 

Is this what they say about being childish to growing up mature? As soon as your horizon expands you become more of a center of attention for your own self. Lately I got a chance to see people who try to unfold miseries related to you that you aren’t looking at even. I fail to decide whether being judgmental would help here or not. Giving positive notion to every action doesn’t seem appropriate but it saves me from a lot of hassle. ‘I-don’t-care’ attitude is ruling it seems.

 It seems I am living in a pretty naive world where nothing is making any sense to me and one by one I am conquering stages of life. Few days back I heard a guy talking to another that life is important but money is not. He lost his daughter who had measles.Even I had measles when I was a kid who thought this would become life threatening disease for someone.

May be he means life is now so celebrate it now; whereas most of us keep preparing ourselves to face challenges ahead. Both of the things are correct. Happiness is not only about hanging out, trying wild things, watching movies, reckless nonstop chattering. It seems people are too reckless to stop for a while. Or maybe that’s how money buys happiness.  Happiness can be sitting in front of a heater or tucked in a blanket under arms of your mom’s or a loved one listening to old stories. Does it count as happiness too? It seems I have stopped counting good or bad times so when someone asks me ‘how have you been’? I say pretty good without considering if it was good bad or ok. 

Life is going pretty straight these days with having everything around but no attempt to arrange jigsaw puzzles scattered in front of me. These kind of things don’t seem to influence my mind any more. I am more static nowadays not putting extra burden on my mind just living it the way most of us live. Like a kite tied with a thread moving on sky taking strange turns and curves but somehow someone managed to keep it on sky until dawn that makes it disappear to eyes.

What up these days people? Anything worth sharing ? =)