To my dearest baby Iyaad,
21 Aug 2015 - As you turn 1 and you fill my heart with so much love, I wonder writing about you now make any sense? When all you can read is “AAAA”. But few years from now when you see what I wrote for you on your first birth day; might bring a pretty smile on your face. A smile which is the most beautiful and endearing thing I ever witnessed till date. And I say this with no exaggeration at all. Well my dear Eduuu birth fascinates me in a way. I would eat my mother’s brain to know each and every detail of how was I born. With little information she could provide, as she could remember very little and that happens with you being youngest, I used to picture myself.
But then I saw you: so little, so fragile , wrapped in sheets, staring as if our lives were moving in slow motion, giving another glance at every new thing , your eye brows squeezing then relaxing, your eyes dilating then contracting and I would see each and everything you do. Your arm movement, you moving your hand slowly to touch my face then yours, you responding to my voice, your eyes racing to see where is this woman?. I need her. How can I forget all these details? It was just yesterday I would cover you, handle you so carefully, and stay up whole night because I was worried of so many stupid things happening to you at night. What If your mum didn’t get up in time? I was silly to think that way. Nobody could wake me up that easily before you but now I can get up or literally jump out of bed when I hear you even rolling on your bed.
And look at you now. Kicking, jumping and bouncing on us. Checking our limits when we say ‘NO’. Chuckling on little things and making us smile, dancing on every other beat. Saying words like ‘than ko(thankyou) in most loving manner ever, saying dite (light), calling our maid ashhaaa, calling us abba ji , amma mama, nahin (NO) to everything we ask you , Pointing your nose and ours when we inquire and so many other things!! In no time you have become our center of attention, no matter where we go it’s just you we discuss. Sometimes we will sit around you and let you make us laugh while we see each other smiling just to celebrate you. Sometimes I seem to forget how it was like before you. But trust me my son when I say this: To have you is a privilege. Allah chose me to be your mother and I can’t thank him enough. I would do everything to have you in my life. The kind of love and inner satisfaction I have got after having you is immeasurable and I couldn’t have it any other way.
You made me feel venerable and a woman so strong. I could protect you; something inside me tells me that I can. You forced me to go after my dreams and that nobody can stop me in achieving stuff I want to. At least you brought back all those hidden feelings and emotions and for that I love you more my son.
As I see you growing up and completing your millstones each day. My heart sometimes ache and crave for that baby who I would want to see rolling for that first time or crawling for the first time or standing up on his feet. You are getting independent it makes me so proud and sad at the same time. I want to have some more time with my few months old baby. You are growing up that fast. So my boy as you take your steps towards partially independent life I pray for your health, success and that no evil harm you ever. This world is so tricky so I give you in ‘his’ protection that no evil befalls you ever. May you rise up as a great human being, a better Muslim that people look up to you. May Allah give you directions as pure as you are and fill up those gaps that 'we' as a parent won’t be able to. Happy First mere piyare bete (my beloved son) and we will have many more (by Allah’s will) I want to see you celebrating for as long as I am alive:)
With much love,