Its 12 am sharp on my clock and Monday has already started in this region. Getting up on Monday and to perform is definitely one big task that we do every week. So what’s that reason which compelled me to be here and flip the coin, think about a very nicely knitted statement and write it down to win heart of many and get appreciation too?
Well because I am lucky enough to find one reader who can actually relate to my abstract writing here and who visits me without getting any benefit or providing any benefit or being caustic and curious about my statement that I write in another state or specific state of mind.
So yes I am writing for her and people like her.
Second thing that is bickering with my sleep at the moment is the topic to write about. Well literally speaking I don’t have any topic instead certain ramblings. So let’s see how this post turns out to be.
I remember my father sitting on sofa talking to his friends and family, taking pride in me and my achievement. Well achievement is a relative term so yes! I have achieved a lot in my life by the grace of GodJ .
He is talking about my long prostrating state (Sajida) that is bending down before God. And me getting embarrassed and amused by his statement. He says : it’s all because she stays in Sajda and prays a lot.
It was when I was in matric and studies were a big headache in fact a matter that can give me heartache.
Today I am a professional. I am in a similar state not intentionally but because I was remembering that statement by heart. And let me tell you situation is definitely different here.
Then I perhaps was thinking how my life would be, will I become an engineer, will I top the board this time around, will I be able to buy my own car, how long my parents would live with me, would I be left alone ever, etc etc.
Right now I am thinking : what the hell I am doing with my life, if that’s what I was here for, will I go to heavens, what if I die tomorrow, what my life would be when I am married and settling in new family etc etc. In both states I was thinking about myself with a mild set of differences.
Then I felt I am here to achieve a lot and I need to plan. Now I am standing at a reasonable position if not ideal and I am 25 now. What else I need to do? I wonder…
Now a days, I have plenty of time to think--- think, back space, remove it, re think then re- think and think re think and so on.
Change: I am thinking about the word “change”. You will hear this word a lot, quite often from people of this age. You realize that your life changes when you are out of your comfort zone (or I may call it a shell you lived in) so there can be a difference of 1` year or two.
For maximum years in my life I stayed with people who I knew from a long time. From school, college and university. But now I am here where I knew no one and most importantly I saw people with different mind sets, different attributes, you see they are performing better than you and people like me getting under confident that they know nothing. You find hard to express yourself. So I am in that state where I am regaining my lost confidence. It takes a lot from you but it gives you a lot too. You realize that life is a big give and take process ( A lot of people will disagree but here we are for tests so lets be prepared) .
But now since I am just giving time to myself and I have no one around to share my time with. I got a chance to realize a lot of things.
There are people who don’t lie even if it is about coming late to office. There are people who think that they will die ultimately so it’s better to cultivate something good. There are people who don’t waste their money instead they share. At the same time you will see people who snub their maids. DO badly with them and go easy about this act. There are people who will deliberately hurt you. There are people who will stare at you until you are out of reach in their eyes. There are people who smoke, take drugs and try to look cool. You will start back biting about your closest ones because they did bad to you and so on…
Ultimately your life becomes hollow. You will see aunties talking about your almost going age. Then they will start chasing you like your own shadow. If they end up owning you then good otherwise you will be targeted.
You will get sick at the age of 25. Seriously. Not for once but for many times. Your doctor will advise you to take care of yourself like you take care of your newly born kid. You will understand that health was the absolute precious blessing and you took it for granted.
You might fell in love and think that you have found a person who will bear your odd tantrums. But truth is its equal give and take. And you won’t calculate what you give and take or you might hence resulting in few of these things: Half of the women will whine about their not so happening marriage/relation, other half will work hard to make it better and some they wont care and find news ways to treat themselves better.
You will start finding meaning of your life. And some of you will reach closer to your religion. You will touch it and taste it. You will find it sour then you will touch it; you will feel the pain; you will re touch it and you will understand the ways to handle it.
And ultimately that’s the only thing giving you peace as if you drank a cold glass of water after exhibiting so much of heat. Religion will make you numb for days. You will stay awe inspired by words of your lord. You will make your ways better; pray a lot because he gave you a lot. You will start relating your life and once you do that, it brings another dimension to your life. You become fearless, inquisitive, ashamed, alarmed but it happens once a while. It brings a lot on track, it becomes season for some. And some fear reading anything that may result changing their life style and again bring them out of your comfort zone.
I am in a similar phase. Closer to something but keep moving back and forth. Let see what new morning brings for me. We live in a world where faces like me are in tyranny. Where faces like me have everything still striving for something. I am in world where I am vulnerable to disease, humiliation, hatred, being ignored, happy,sad,loved and what not. The only difference this time I am closer to something may be.
Happy Ramdan to all Muslims. May Allah bless us with understanding of religion, to save ourselves from fire and understand the real purpose of life.
Take a very good care.
Yours truly, albeit a blogger from far off place, a fellow human being.