Tuesday, April 5, 2016

where is the FREEDOM!!!

The sun is finally trying to make an appearance, covered in the fragments of clouds.  The cool wind breeze, making all the big trees sway and the eerie noise it creates. It’s so peaceful right now that I can hear the sound of air. Birds are chirping in most delightful manner. Far from the place I am setting, is the light bulb switched on, somebody probably forgot to switch off all the lights. There is this heart sign chalked out by someone on the wall of a school which will soon be covered by kids of all ages.

Love is that overrated, yeah?

And then there is dandelion revolving around the place I am sitting, this whole thing takes me to the life I have already spent. The School, College and University time. When I was focused, more energetic, I had powers, I was an achiever. The confidence that grew over the time just only made my focus more clear and I knew exactly what my goals were. I was more connected to God. I knew who I need to ask , who I need to bend in font of,  I could see him replying to me, guiding me, telling me the truth of life. There was this inner peace that I think now is missing from my life.

Slowly but surely I had to step out from that life into the practical life. ‘PRACTICAL LIFE’. Now this is the life where you are supposed to do everything which you might not like or can even make peace with. The Life which punches you so hard and so many times in your face but you rub it all off and stand to fight again.

You need to earn money and work hard at the same time. Obviously you can’t overburden you parents any more to fulfill your weird desires. You fell in love and fell off from the cliff both are same things actually, you get married and try to please everyone and there is this poor guy “husband” who is different from you in many ways and you try to see all your relations in him, then you make kids who for the rest of your life are going to be the center of attention.

 Iyaad had temperature and all this night I kept on checking him. Was this because I was careless? I probably not am giving him enough time. This is the life of a typical mother.

Sometimes I think of my mother. She still loves me and not only that take cares of my son too and will keep on taking care of my future kids too  and then sometimes I ask her “ Ami what are you getting from this whole thing? Like you have a daughter who falls on you and you are never tired. NEVER. Don’t you ever want to be FREE? Like Free from the worries of your kids?

And she in most confident manner ever “You guys are my life”.

No Ammi you created this life for yourself. And we all are following the same path. We make peace with our present and that’s the only way to live life I suppose.  

Sometimes I feel there should have been a guide to this life. A manual that I could have read before jumping into this so called practical life.

I have also realized that humans are actually the most unthankful creatures.  Half of our population wants kids the other half thinks what to do of them. Half of the population wants to get married, the other half  are beating the head against the wall, half of this populations wants to earn money, the other half so perfect that you sometimes feel they are not real

The 29 years of my life and the only conclusion I could make out of this whole life is that connection to Allah is the only way to earn peace. That he is controlling life. I mean sometimes I feel what exactly my decisions were. None I suppose. He is the planner but most of the adults are tensed and stressed out  because they have zero  faith in Allah’s plan and even then you see them preaching about trusting Allah’s plan. And that patience is the virtue and you are rewarded when the challenges come your way and you make it to the edge of the river abiding the laws of GOD.

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