Who am I? A question stung me quite a lot of times before and even after reaching conclusion my spirits wander across the surface. Reaching a point where definitions are strong but dimensions deviate.
Thinking about a life that passed just right in front of my eyes is like waiting for a train to come at stop to accommodate passengers in it ; you hear its voice coming towards you ; but it whooshes away and then across you. Without even stopping; it passes by you with a chilled steam fuming away marking a sign of good bye.
Getting a chance to see many facets of human personality rising up and down gives me an outlook of making assumptions if not understanding reality.
Mediocre life is a complete amalgamation of keeping up your standards and making yourself better in the hindsight. You would never know about it till you exercise it .
Till my college and university life I used to think about myself as a very independent person who did everything by her own will and with her own hands. I used to work hard; the competition I always felt with my fellows was just like a game I used to play with the swords ; swirling to make my way towards my final destination.
With this aptitude let me clear one thing that I relied this competitive streak upon my prayers and spirituality that I was very strong with. What disturbed me the most, as I grew up was a feeling that I was fairly drifted away with the principles and religion I used to hold myself strong on , but our god is fair in his dealings too if you tend to go towards him one step he returns it in a much better way.
As I grew up and having lost one of my parents I realized many things; many short comings insecurities flew right in front of my eyes. However I will boundary lines this post with this statement that whatever I am today has a fair deal of parents; environment they tried to keep me in and standards they asked me to follow. Sometimes I am on the way but at the same time I may dwell in a wrong lane.
My father had a tough life as he migrated from Kashmir to Lahore to earn bread and butter and he on his shoulder had a burden to pave way for his whole family including many brothers.
Most magical thing in a relationship is that you sacrifice and nobody would ever know that you did; only time unveils it in front of your eyes and you realize the worth of a person.
Let it be a lover relation or a parent – children relation or anything else. That’s what I learnt : is to hold on to those tender strings strongly and never let go of them ; they bind our heart naturally very strong and with malice if it grows inside ; is like fungus or termite which erases every complexity of holding it dear and makes it a very common thing which it ultimately is not.
If I start talking about his life I need pages to fill in but what tempted me to write was an image.
Having to live a tough life and bringing something back on the daily basis to feed us ; at that point and time we will wait for clock to struck 8 and we daughters and sons will hang around the fence to have a glimpse of him and to see what he is bringing for us. He would never point out our greedy self in fact laugh at our requirements to be fulfilled every day. Isn’t this very cute?
He was taking back in his hand; a bag full of hope…
He wished to start it better every day and end it in calm …
Bu know body would ever know what he had in his heart
Silence, unfathomable ocean of thoughts but he kept peace with himself
For how difficult it was to store it all inside and for whom?
Silently he will open his arm to embrace young lads
And all his tiredness will flew away just like that …
From heart to heart they will share tenderness and warmth
He will pass a smile and she will rub her arms
With this perpetual motion nights befalls
He will sleep between care and fear inside qualms
Happy week days ahead guys, by the way how was your weekend? I enjoyed very much sometimes solitude, sometimes hanging around with family. It was a long weekend and tomorrow seems a tough ride.
O' i would like to quote it here " No life is without its fair deal of pain so be thankful of what you have, what you enjoy and what you do - Remember there is someone watching over you "
Mishi I am trying to keep my promise and to write about myself more. Guess what it might take time to shorten this and be subjective =))