Time and Tide waits for none, What you are waiting for ?

That night I kept holding my last breath to see if I will have to see it for once more but ‘Wait’ till I was given more breath and only thing I fell short…. No fell shot dead was of an 'unknown feeling'.

An unknown feeling hmmm its cloudy outside and I … I dearly want to have some few droplets falling straight on my face when I gaze at the beautiful sky outside; which is homogeneous right now. I wait and went outside again and something unknown hits me --- silence fell, night fell and when this droplet might fell? Aaargh…

* I am rubbing my hand, tapping my foot:Blink...Blink then tring…tring ran towards the phone:
hey I was waiting for your call past 2 hours and you  ...’Oh sorry I will let you talk to her excuse me’.
 An unknown mystifying rather miserable feeling portraying the grim picture and your wrinkles quite visible on forehead, face tweaked as if clock suddenly struck 12 on you rather than in its own origin. You Wait!

** Driver says ‘I am 5 minutes away from your home and be ready’: countdown begins you run to make a lunch; press your dress; time is running … you run for life, your knee had a bad accident with the corner of your bed: ‘OUCH’ ! elbow beguiles to hit you when it effects the most and here it hits the side wall and yeah you feel your whole arm stirred up to the core… countdown begins 

5. Catch your bag

4. Take a Sip of coffee 

3. Go get your lunch box

2. Peep outside the balcony I still have time in hand and ….

1. Give a warm hug to a kid at home … Run... Times up

‘Tring tring’ I am stuck in a bad traffic jam will be there soon.

Ahhh yeah you have all objects in front of you which one you would like to hit on first?

You wait till your lipstick needs a refresher.

*** Every day I have a look at her face makes me go drifted towards her; for she an ethereal creature and every time I get my senses back after an awe-struck and goggling the dictionary to give her a new name, I end up  asking her ‘how’s the weather outside?’ Yeah you got it right ‘I wait’.

**** Every night in my dreams I feel like killing him/her. I can’t have a sound sleep; I hate and I know I won’t be able to sleep, here I go take sleeping pills, you ruined my life; I am just getting up ; here I go …wait… no go …..

 And when you are able to move you already have had a 5 hours steady sleep. Good morning!

***** Every morning at 8 I reach bus stop to be the first one getting on … first bus arrives; flooded with people few are dropped outside; and when you try to place your first foot on stand, it slips away .Wait for the next to arrive soon which is no less than um mm 9nish!

Oh well I am waiting for the droplet to fall ‘straight’ on my face and what you are waiting for?

Who says where the road goes? Where the day flows? Only Time

So I convinced myself finally to see where my sojourn is taking me and last few days were like a tough grinding ride bubbling up anger, peer pressure, some job related things and decision etc etc I wanted that time to end soon and when it’s over I need time again to fit myself in my old routine. There are many things going in head and I need to clear them as soon as possible as growing up is not as easy as it may seem especially to all those who are looking up to you.

There is something really special about our life… ‘Observations’ like a little cute school girl with pony at the top of her head and tightly as she clings at the back of her father who at every turn makes sure that her daughter is safe and sound on his bike.

And when they reach at school gate, she innocently asks for money and her father probing his pocket to see what he can offer but no matter what are the circumstances he always does that.

Right now I feel nostalgic: when I was a kid I always used to follow my siblings or either move out alone because they thought I am fragile and they can’t include me in their tough games so my task was to clap, and when game is over my brother would call me up to play few things with me.

Today I feel so much love for my family, and I am touched the way they have helped me through always. I am going to be 24 next month and every time my mother thought I am tired she will come near my bed to see if I have complete cover on me and then I will see her going back, shutting the door slightly. My brother once jumped into the rails while one of the trains dramatically coming towards us he dropped himself over the ground fetching my shoe that somehow I dipped. I thank god million times that nothing bad happened that day.  

Few days back I was so tired and agitated that suddenly a message brought so many smiles to my face. My niece sent me a stupid message which was some fill in the blanks; it went like I …. You. So in order to tell her that I read your messages, I wrote her back ‘I miss you’ and asked her to fill back for me and she wrote back ‘I love you’. It blew off all my fermentation and I was chirping again =)

May be you need to say same to some of your loved ones to bring smiles on their face..Don’t miss that.

As a child I used to read a lot and this somehow depreciated me of listening, a statement I read in Urdu subject still hovers my mind and I believe it to be so true ----- it goes like that ‘it’s easy to put your god behind your necessities’ and today people do that quite frequently including me.

My sojourn is stuck for a while I need to free it soon.

Hope you all are having a nice healthy week =)

Love At First Sight

 'its one of my old write-up and just to bring myself back to my old routine i am posting it here'

It was one cold winter evening!

And all I could hear was some niggling tickle and about order breaking stochasticity, sadness prevailed; and the kind of sadness you like to bump yet as if to live fortnights in it.

You like to move like a nomad and at the very other moment escaping so many eyes, drenching yourself in somewhat a snug a perfect hideout.

It is one of those seasons that never explains yet explains everything bespoken between you and me.

My eyes complaint your eyes competing, you and me in gist of an instant, your eyes explain mine still complain and they keep complaining till my existence felt belittle, from a man I became a no man.

In a rush of moment I looked again, this time I gazed and litigate I fell drowning in it; I drowned till I was completely drowned.

Your eyes are the preservation of my long years of past, every time I happen to catch a look I live eternity.Deep down inside; flows a turbulence of thoughts and swaying trees; hugging around, moving here and there, reminisce of past, cherishing imagery, blowing flowers, colors and fragrance all manipulative and divine, epitomizing sense of beauty that only my eyes behold.And here I am I deliberately to quench the very desire and the rest disappears while you open the thresholds of heavens and the deepened sea you hold within you, interminable heuristics then it becomes.

Your eyes are the dream I longed for, and the trotted steps I took near the sea, and the long walks alone, and that bang on the pebbles that were placed aside; thrown one by one; just to see if you can come out of your deity; to shut your eyes when wave surpass and when you open; things are serene; like the flocks of birds; moving along; to show reverence and love for your ilk.

My mind is the victim and heart a pattern of both justice within injustice, I swaggered and stumbled to take accorded lead but you were the lead and you were the mislead.

Deluded I moved to grasp more of your eye but went away from the sight of your eye and when I was awakened, saw the picturesque of your expressions and thousands of expressions and only expressions you hide within the sea; you enshrouded in mystery.

Just to ensure I am the guardian of the sea, and will take care of even the drop ever splashed out and dropped by ,with all my reverence and love and if time ever allowed with my life too.

"When Confessions Come Around, My Love Disappears"

I am normal. I lead a normal life so far and now when it couldn’t have gone anywhere else; I am living in negation.

It was one cool January morning with my hopes high and ambitions arousing the inner self somewhere at the top of everything. As I was walking, with cool breeze almost steadily passing through my ear and a leaf which is slightly brownish in color as if declared old by its family, broke contact and flew passed my eye as if fondled me! Why couldn’t have I felt something in air? A conspiracy. Suddenly it was me and a jolt and after that an endless fey.

My life is now surreal; I confess that I felt a bustled as I stood by the place, looked backward to see you; but saw a bunch with random voices.No one was you!

I liked the way you moved my life but hey will you appear hearty and upstanding ever?

That whole day I was acutely busy but every time something knocked my head and my heart moved somewhere else. Now my heart and head isn’t in my control and my fallacy goes like that I will take care of my head, will you rule my heart?, its in illusion.

When I slept smoking away all the worries of life that night, and was thinking of you that suddenly a ray of light made me galloped towards the mobile; I just thought it was you because my hypothesis says you have an ability to illuminate pitch dark to glow but I got someone anonymous quoting

‘Your Love is just near, handle it or drive away’.

You and I were sitting at the top edge of the mountain stealing the eyes of many; we could have had a look at whole civilization and me? Well my world, my globe just moves around you. I was posing, streaming things in mind to make a camouflage of words and portray in your presence your highness! But my words are suspended by your sunshine coming out of your hair and the twinkling light ring you had in your hand, how can I forgot those silky hair moving decently keeping discipline and assuredness. When I started to tell you that ‘when you smile, heaven seems few miles away’ and then suddenly you smiled meanwhile ‘I’ trying to gaze at complete curve of your lip, had to stood up by this morning alarm! Arghh...I hate it!

That morning when I drove a car, I saw many leaves coming under the tire, grossly grinded by this strong gust of my thought process and then I started to talk out loud:

‘You will come in your true composition, blind folding me by placing your hand right above my eyes; if I guessed you, you are mine, if you guessed me I am yours ’

And when next time a shadow passed by me; choked my heart, where my head played hoax; made me moved backward, and when I was to confess, my love disappeared.

Next time I won’t leave any fallacy till then give me an assurance that you will keep shining and assorting me with the fraction of your sunshine. For I would have loved to live that way to keep you secure from everyone but I am afraid, my hypothesis will make you go away one day.

A Perfect Stranger

I stand here ...

with my head completely resounding somewhere else

and deeper pleasure is to go find my self ...

but there comes a situation

when you urge to sleep and you cant

and sky above the ground, makes you go upside down

for life nasty play and fierce things ahead

did you ever think of what you have left behind

did you ever think where some faces go confine

You are here today,

and time hits me through  spine

is the pain i suffer ..

is the  protest of a crime

is famine within the trough

where the body seeps the tuff

still comes in a guff

Listen ...

Life plays the trick

and events a testimony of our own self...

when you feel life within the lows and all above is the vacant space

below is the cracked world and around is an unknown pace

and only wish is to look back, after noise settles down

to find the twined answer and seeing you more pat down 

i still fear the odd but peace that i found.

is to believe that you are here, is the hope that confound.

Once Upon a Life Time

Its 9: 35 p.m. Just imagine you live in a city which is overcrowded, hustle and bustle that goes uninterrupted; that at times you communicate the inner ‘YOU’ in quite a high pitch tone: Hello! Can I hear myself? Yes I can. And then scene completely changes, its dark- thanks to load shedding therapy that helps to move my being in those old ages where people used to sit by fire and bamboo sticks all around, where some woman would move forward and by puffing all she could; would try to endorse the blistering fire. You would see all funny faces within the translucent fire, No they aren’t funny but may be sometimes your inner is exposed unintentionally.

In my case fire is only replaced by these heaters whereby me, my mother and one little cousin completely slouched and squeezed trying to fix their places in front of it. As if I am closest in the orbit and therefore deserve to absorb as much as I can and I surely am justified by every mean to get more. And then season will change, every planet will get a chance to come closer but for this season; pardon me!

Then comes my favorite part, silence, hush! Quiescent we are. My mother would break the spell. Kids have you ever seen snow falling, and then her favorite impulsive tone which stops for no passenger and goes straight towards the destination. She says further ‘I love snow and when I was a kid, I used to play with snow, not only that I used to eat snow by adding some sugar and crushing it’.

(Rest is just her and our heads nodding; we crave to hear ‘once upon a time story’)

I was in my village then and by standing at the mountain edge I could see the upper mountain range completely covered with snow flakes, and by just having a glimpse of it naturally created an urge in me to get at the top of mountain: go and catch as much as I can. So I running from the eyes of my husband,father mother blah blah…started to move slowly towards it. I always used to get a partner in crime so it doesn’t matter if you don’t have a friend, make a perfect friend for each season.

This was then noon time and you must know that by afternoon, villages naturally slip into pitch dark and it gets darker till you can witness twinkling stars on the facing mountain. So we started, wasting no time, towards the destination with mouth watering snowy craving. We walked...We walked, we walked so much towards it that our feet started a protest against our will but somebody has to win the race and therefore we walked.

Sun acted like a traitor that day, slowly and steadily stalking us, and when we so very wanted it to stay; started to go behind. We were so wearied that we had to sit on the large stone, just to measure how far we are and how much we need to walk. Suddenly a woman came and tried to gauge from where I was coming and where I was going and told me that place which I am heading to, cannot be travelled on foot and it’s far off from the place even where we are sitting. Our whole passion was dropping down as the sun was setting. But that girl suddenly brought glee to our lives. She brought snowflakes in large bags as they were trying to get rid of it so she removed upper layer and extracted out the best as she could.

When we had packets in hand we forgot the rest. Not even for the sun that was leaving.I got what I was craving for, as a purple dress that I prayed for; when I was looking at a Lilly flower beside the flowing water and very next day I was blessed with it.

*when she started to smile, whole place was illuminated. My little world of fairy tales was over and I was just wishing because there is someone who listens, every time of the day, may be this slot is mine* . Happy weekend!

*Little Things You Do*

I had no other reason to post it than just,that i have been humming it all day longer and even now it has become one continuous voice in my head...

The Little things you do for me..
n nobody else make me feel Good....
Little things you do for me...
Making me smile n no one else could...!
That's why i like to sit next to you....,
and Hear your mad stories, i know they're not true..
and i like that we share a secret or two ......Together....!
Little things you do for me..

A home that belongs to me

Look at this seat- brooded and treated by dust, grains of sand filling the incomplete parts of me. Hear the cackle- disintegrating where the walls stood by, contemplating the security under the auspices of the love, I besot.

Whenever winter comes, a wave caresses the skin, piercing the base and snatching the moisture I ever believed to have. Everything looks dry and when I ply energies to touch what I have lost; I am kaput.

Look at the huge sky with patches of cloud but where I stand goes the blink of an eye that sees only brown and then quality to recognize and to decipher loses the war I fought.

That all happened, that was meant to happen. Flowers we seeded had to knock down. Love that we nurtured had to belt down. No matter how much you live in, how much energy you invest, it happens leaving you dumbstruck. If time corresponded, I will sit by the town waiting for that quail to sing again, waiting for the season to chirk up again; I will slowly move towards it; to understand the hidden message it gives for the next winter.

For when winter comes again I will never let it barren, the inside world I have, and emotions that dominate my world. I will fight till my hand can bear the strand and after that I would let world go still, take away my senses, keep me stranded. To wait for next spring to come, next hope to bloom, and next home to make my own. For the place I belong to, is build with love and love comes after every stint and it comes better and stronger.