I Dream ! As part of me always lived in them !

As per our ritual; when light goes away and winters suddenly move to this region of our country; we will sit around heaters and listen to some old tales of our parents usually narrated by my mother and some years ago by my father.

Memories are weird sometime they cross your mind no matter which road you are travelling onto and you will immerse in deep ocean of thoughts ; thinking about a face , some event that really moved you or something you miserably did miss. I am also adding a 2.6 years old chapter of my first job to my memory lane with this fear that it is going to come in front of me and I can’t weigh how I would react.

The last day went just like a whirlpool; extreme sensitivity and extreme of everything that I felt. I hugged everyone around; people bade me and may be for last time. Sometimes I felt a tear just about to drop and I will avoid watching dauntlessly eye to eye. Moments are so fragile that in order to understand their intricacy you fell into devastation or triumph them finally whatever may happen… burden is just on  your shoulders.

I am kind of numb now a days and totally dreamy; overwhelmed, so much that if you are talking to me; you would understand that I am not living in present. My brother is also leaving for saudia today and as he says he will come back after a year; when I heard this it seems to me like a long lasting road which carries no end. Farther away you see light and you are tired; you know you need to take a lot of stops till you can touch the pinnacle finally. How many dark nights will come in every day and every day will be longer than normal is what I feel. I know emotion vanishes; time runs rather laugh at you; then you laugh at yourself but your heart is about to play folly and then you are just entrapped.  

Distance is like your heart carrying a lot of strings; more you move away more fragile they get but when they come back their presence can be felt as they bind your heart again with much more strength.

Oh! Coming back to stories in my wonderland; it was my mother talking about snow falling: Yes my presence is also in the same region where I am hypothetically wearing hi-necks sweater and an over coat; gloves and coat shoes. I deliberately come out to hide myself in this cotton looking silky smooth weather. Some of the snow will fall on my eye lashes making them feel heavier and I will brush it and they will cross my lips and caress my face and fell down in into unfathomable ocean of glaciers as they will melt on my feel and I will hold a tool to make my way; remove flakes and walk around.

My mother used to play a lot in winters and during snow fall in Kashmir; she will never go to her mother’s home till snow is over; as I earlier mentioned her initial years were spent in Kashmir so she was carrying a pot to get some water from the well. She fell down and kept sliding on snow till her pot was broken. she started crying as she was afraid of her mother in law suddenly a women came as an angel ; ask the reason of her worry and brought a fresh pot with water . ;) And the day was saved!!!

I don’t know what’s the crux but have faith and enjoy life with pure intentions just like a clean looking sky with clean looking layer of clouds ; future do promise some rain falling direct on your face with your eyes closed ; perhaps a surprise !

Take care.

Remember in prayers.

Shukriya!

~ All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys ~

There comes a time when your heart is blatantly not supporting your mind; you feel disjointed and not belonging to a world you mostly thought your living place to be. That’s how life takes few minutes to change whole analogy. Love, affection, and nostalgia everything fails to provoke anything that fell into deep slumber. You look around finding emotions or words that could heal this instant but it all goes in vain. This inertia however instills a new sensation; a will to be strong; a hope negating all eyes just meeting yours. You try to absorb everything even a sudden laughter, a clap or a hi five. You blame time which passes by without any kindness or good deed; spreading a spur of thoughts and moments around.

Suddenly you want to rush back and see how much change your people have undergone?

 If you could still find your old school, high school photographs and still find something to laugh at. If you can recognize faces that aren’t with you any more or purple letter head with a love letter that someone you never saw placed in your book and you made hundred assumptions about it; sometimes infuriated ; sometimes considering it foolishness or may be some old stamps you collected with zealous energies  and your attempts at making good signature name for big task awaiting ahead or first attempt to start joining hand writing or silly explanations of stanzas where you know; you just have to fill space when you even can’t understand what is the meaning of ‘freedom’ or ‘slavery’ or ‘hatred’ or 'love' or  ‘if your loved one has gone and how time can fill the gap' in poetry.

 It all comes to you; you want to go back in same street light; in same town holding a lamp and rolling around it or throwing arm around your brother and sharing same ice-lolly. It all does come back to you and you never want to let go of anything but an insecurity that enthralls you and you wrap your arms around with a street light still falling on your arms highlighting half of your face; little bruise you got while playing in childhood and you smile, you know how much you were able to save from the cunning eyes of so called time.

* Some times looking back is good sometimes it stones you. Ultimately our decisions are the choices we make and choices are half percent chance *

Laters
Happy Weekend =)

a token of gratitude

Love is an undying affair my dear
It constitutes the world and plays with fears

Love brings the magic in an ocean of stars
And furnish the pearl shiny with spars…

Love is the aura of dreams and emotions
It melts down the anger and blossoms ultimate devotion

Love sometimes is tainted; sometimes is lost
Sometimes you are the sufferer; only time you gallop

Love never promises a thorn less path
Still you and I take every chance

Love is in everything sheer or blear
Love is an undying affair my dear!!!


Hello dear Readers!

I confess i am a passive blogger ; sometimes it feels odd calling myself a blogger or a writer. Nonetheless i have a token of gratitude due for you out there. I feel indebted to the least for your kinds comments , appreciations, criticisim and awards i got .

Well really sorry Mishi and ayushi i am not following the trend( taking advantage of being a passive and a lazy one ) for propagating the awards as is due . But My sojourn has come up with an award i.e. ( You are different Award =D) created by me in 1 min 25 secs on our very own Paint.

Here it is :

Rules for this award are nothing ( phew take a sigh ) . Give it to anyone any min ; any sec when you feel like doing it with one different quality you found in fellow bloggers or readers .

My list of winners are as follows :

1) http://www.myperfectline.com/  by Mehreen Asghar ; One of my dear friend : You are getting this award for being a verstaile and an extremely active blogger. She loves it and you can sence blogging to be her life line . I love her blog's outlooks and nevertheless she stands fit for my ' YOU ARE DIFFERENT ' Award.

2) http://ayushi-milestones.blogspot.com/ by Ayushi : I found some similar qualities in her ; her love for clothes and she talks random. If i take myself an year back or two and if i was familiar with blogging ; i might have written stuff like her . Time where space is not enough for catharsis and you scacely get time for this =)

3) http://dad-central.blogspot.com/ : I dont know where the blog has gone and where is the owner. He was the one who accompanied me the time i started off with this . He was one of my initial  follower and the last blog i studied their was about his father . I hope everything is fine with him and that a lot of good wishes =). He aptly described few emotions.

4) http://iqi-musings.blogspot.com/ by iqra : Hmmm seems she is out of sight as well. Seems like i am missing the lot now while i think about them . Well iqra's comments were great motivation otherwise i could have dropped the idea of writing on cyberspace quite ago . :P . Anyways award is for iqra for writing itsy-bitsy of life ; making you smile with extremely well alligned photographs. Thanks iqra.

5) http://andweshout.blogspot.com/ by mishi:  Her secret little diary is really interesting . She is flamboyant,active and an interesting blogger. She writes about societies issues that needs a check and balance also about latest political side hidden or tunred a blind eye by most of us . Good Work!!!

6) http://niceguy251.blogspot.com/by Jack : Well a very impressive blog. This is the blog that highlights our social problems and that it seems he has a lot of expereince and a good heart . His writing worth a read and are to be shared. This award goes to you for your expereince =)

7) http://thinking-lifeandyou.blogspot.com/ by thinking : hmmm She has alot of hmmm's making her blog a place where i think about many things. She has a very different ideas listed in her blog. So her hmmm's make her win this award. Keep up the great work.

8) Maj World : Ouch !!! I have lost the link .I remember this blog somehow with the poetry i read therein . =)

9) Antonio Rodrigues by antonio :  He is from portugal and his blog is in portugese as well. Difficult to read but once i worked hard with google translator and found it interesting . He has a kind heart also he visted pakistan and shared our grievances during earth quake . So accept our token of appreciation Antonio.

10) http://confessionwindow.blogspot.com/ by Ayesha Noor : She is a very capable writer and we need to push her to write more. You can find few classical writings in her blog.Keep Writing Ayesha because you are different. 

11) This award goes to all readers out there hidden , open , responsive, non responsive every one who visited my blog because after this whole exercise i found out that

'Every one is different and you can easily pick one quality from a person; and if you fail to do so then there is some serious problem going on with you'

Trust me on that=)

Take a very god care readers i enjoyed remebering my friends here. I hope i didnt miss any one but in case i did remeber i declared every human to be different. I hope to read more bloggers here also will try to drop my likings and about my self in pieces. for now white is my fav colour and indigo-purple is my crush, umm pink is just so like me  =) i would list down all colours if i went like this .

Thanks for your appreciation ladies and gentlemen while i go and catch a glass of water =)

Take a very good care =)

p.s. donot forget to read my next post ; its about preparation for the month of holy ramadan . A gift for all muslims out there while others are most welcome to read us . More you read makes you best relaiable person.

~ Catharsis ~

My life is brought to a halt

And scattered is the breath …

I chase the empty sky to find the inner depth

And I have almost lost myself in this dying fret …

As empty darkness,

A secret never told,

As moment that I lost

A fight with myself,

And you are still my belief …

That halts … I aggrieved.

And now when I see world moving on …

A hope that fills the open pores; grown.

With the flick you drive me on

The only change I own …

I wish to be in winter landscape again

but it changes with every possible rain...

No matter how much you wish it to stay

It changes ... a wish in vain ...

And you are the reason I seek

In every possible tweak …

But now when life halts

It gives me reason to smile ...

A smile that completely hides

Darkness of the sullen nights ...