Saturday, January 7, 2012

I Dream ! As part of me always lived in them !

As per our ritual; when light goes away and winters suddenly move to this region of our country; we will sit around heaters and listen to some old tales of our parents usually narrated by my mother and some years ago by my father.
Memories are weird sometime they cross your mind no matter which road you are travelling onto and you will immerse in deep ocean of thoughts ; thinking about a face , some event that really moved you or something you miserably did miss. I am also adding a 2.6 years old chapter of my first job to my memory lane with this fear that it is going to come in front of me and I can’t weigh how I would react.
The last day went just like a whirlpool; extreme sensitivity and extreme of everything that I felt. I hugged everyone around; people bade me and may be for last time. Sometimes I felt a tear just about to drop and I will avoid watching dauntlessly eye to eye. Moments are so fragile that in order to understand their intricacy you fell into devastation or triumph them finally whatever may happen… burden is just on  your shoulders.
I am kind of numb now a days and totally dreamy; overwhelmed, so much that if you are talking to me; you would understand that I am not living in present. My brother is also leaving for saudia today and as he says he will come back after a year; when I heard this it seems to me like a long lasting road which carries no end. Farther away you see light and you are tired; you know you need to take a lot of stops till you can touch the pinnacle finally. How many dark nights will come in every day and every day will be longer than normal is what I feel. I know emotion vanishes; time runs rather laugh at you; then you laugh at yourself but your heart is about to play folly and then you are just entrapped.  
Distance is like your heart carrying a lot of strings; more you move away more fragile they get but when they come back their presence can be felt as they bind your heart again with much more strength.
Oh! Coming back to stories in my wonderland; it was my mother talking about snow falling: Yes my presence is also in the same region where I am hypothetically wearing hi-necks sweater and an over coat; gloves and coat shoes. I deliberately come out to hide myself in this cotton looking silky smooth weather. Some of the snow will fall on my eye lashes making them feel heavier and I will brush it and they will cross my lips and caress my face and fell down in into unfathomable ocean of glaciers as they will melt on my feel and I will hold a tool to make my way; remove flakes and walk around.
My mother used to play a lot in winters and during snow fall in Kashmir; she will never go to her mother’s home till snow is over; as I earlier mentioned her initial years were spent in Kashmir so she was carrying a pot to get some water from the well. She fell down and kept sliding on snow till her pot was broken. she started crying as she was afraid of her mother in law suddenly a women came as an angel ; ask the reason of her worry and brought a fresh pot with water . ;) And the day was saved!!!
I don’t know what’s the crux but have faith and enjoy life with pure intentions just like a clean looking sky with clean looking layer of clouds ; future do promise some rain falling direct on your face with your eyes closed ; perhaps a surprise !
Take care.
Remember in prayers.

1 comment:

  1. This is such a heart touching post. I don't know but at times I am also thinking like this. About your brother, Yeah it looks like much longer. But believe me once it will start it will over :) Mine example is in front of you ;)