On My BiRt H DaY... I just turned 20 OR something !!!

To my dear self,

Something in the air, closer to heart, whisper in my ear

Coming ahead is the journey of an endless fear...

But today is the essence and beauty of a life

Replicating each droplet, falling on my side.

Days are days,

Time oodles of moments are the companion of the year

Gearing up to make, a beautiful sight on the brink, oh my dear!

Shun all the odds, get rid of your blear

Bent on your knees, because the time is near.

If after reading this post you fell into this conclusion that I am obsessed of my being, I won’t have any words to defend that.  Because at times, loving yourself is the key essence to understand who you are.

For people who already know me; must be aware of my unusual excitement on my birthday but it has decreased to an ounce every passing year. Yesterday I had a beautiful picture of my child hood and I kind of rejuvenate them on every 26 Feb. They say, we see what we seek and at times, these contemplations are so true.

Like a girl whose length would hardly reach my knee, was hoping as I had a glaze. She did snatch my eye and we had an endless competition. She lost it by grabbing hand of his father and jumping on the slender side of the brick and trying to walk on single foot as if proudly leaving the competition. She looked so satisfied.

I smiled and casted off myself into a beautiful past. Is this true that when we look back we hardly hold any haunches or enmity. That holds true only when you are standing in a secure position or may be it’s your mind playing the unusual trick and bringing up the ‘unknown’ to you.

I can’t say much about faith but as a kid, spiritually you are complete. I am fortunate enough to place my hand on beautiful reads, I was a reader and an observer and I wanted to pour down my accumulated stuff so I stepped in, to become a writer. Starting off with the reads, I read Quran with translation when I am sure; I hardly could understand it by living point of view. Few things that we all have learnt by heart still stayed with me as well. Prayers, patience, giving alms, help others, and feel for others, though Quran is much more about than that as well. So my nature says if things are not going accordingly, pray harder.

‘Prayers’ I have a faith can turn everything on your side or powerful ones can bring good things at your side. I remember when first time I had to take rickshaw alone at my own, I was fidget and completely exasperated so I started to make choices: look for a person who seems to be a decent looking. So I finally ended up on an uncle who on that 10 min distance said ‘I know English, my kid is studying in university’ and another ‘I am an electrician and trying to make my both end meets,can you do something for my job?’.

I first time opened my eyes into the world of fears, uncertainty and hopes.

Look around, your judgments seem so benign in this bewildering nature and its people, same goes to each one of us by someone of us!

An observation of my life whenever I was hurt and I cried and a cherry on top, I prayed. My prayers were answered. I felt Allah so close that now at times I believe I lost it. Growing up is difficult and loving myself helps me in identifying him in everything.

I love colors and therefore colorful dresses he managed it for me, even when I was a student and hardly focused on these things. I wanted to enter into the world of professionalism; he kept me sane. I asked for protective shell, he bestowed me one. Whenever I felt, life going to be end soon; he opened glaring doors for me that kept me away from all obstruction temporarily and later on I persisted.

When I felt alone and disappointed, I actually felt him responding in a mesmerizing way. I truly loved him. For only few things in this world can teach me what ‘love’ actually means.I still believe love happens for once rest is the elicitation : he created my parents and I really want to quote one story out of many.

My father was a self made person; in fact he led a tough life. Once at office he wanted to eat something at restaurant but he never did. While we asked him ‘why’?  He said’ I could see you 4 at every morsel so decided to bring it at home or not to eat at all.

We make mistakes, we get up , we feel disgusting about our own behavior at times but he says he forgives human; so why not to pray now than to make it a stigma forever.

I want to thank you all my friends for taking out your precious times and making extra effort to be with me, make merry with me on my birth day , gauging my odds and evens and react accordingly =)

I want to thank each and every person who ever happened to appear in my life by adding little or more to my life story which is still In making.

I want to thank my parents, siblings for making me human, humane and one of a people. I know people are just people and I am glad to become one.

On one of my birthday, there was a strike call and everything was closed. Still me and bunch of my friends ran towards one of the hotel, while we stepped out of our university bus ,an old age person who thought we were laughing at his cap came to us and caught our attention.

He narrated a poem and asked us to repeat those verses. And with our facial expression, he passed a comment on each of us. Since he was an aged person that was highly expected.

While he was leaving he said something we all remember even now

‘When ever you get a chance: Go and visit any institute or a hospital. Get a glass of water and share it with the patients, you will achieve life time happiness ’

‘shikwae zulmat-e-shab se tu kahin behtar tha
apnay hissay ki koi shamma jalatay jatay ’

Write your life’s story. Because it’s astute, different and brilliant.

I wish you all endless happiness and a beautiful life.

May Allah bless us all!

but Happy Birthday to only ME!!!

From my oneself =)

-- Its your smile which hides, that spark in the sullen nights --

 

And I knew…

Life doesn’t wait for you or for me

Nor time has that bold grit to hold for a while …

Still I stayed here looking for the road

That captures most vacuous images to pile

Why don’t we run and start it right here

The chandelier, candle, confetti and I

And warm embrace that bumps all malice in a Nile.

But irony of fate subsides all the miles

Driven between you and my heart stood senile

Weak, tender and sapless as I stood

To gaze what next is hidden in rabble defile …

And time stood for once and only for once...

Life played once that certain demise

When i was there to play in beguile

A dagger was drenched in a gentle menial.

-- LIFE --->

 I am lost in the world of unknown and only escape, savior to obstruction visible and viable is unknown too. All acronyms seems to lie within the place of obscurity and life with so many vibrant colors and features fell into it . Weather has suddenly turned greasy as if tired of shedding everything it had after a brief rain shower.

You are in turmoil and gauge to see who is where?! But suddenly a wave surpassed and all visibility is covered with nothingness and faces abruptly turned towards west part of the forgotten scale.

You silently move backward to save what you have left behind but annoying voices and sheer tickling is too over powering and it gnaws the inner peace, it hurts the weaklings residing somewhere within you.

You stood stoned to see what else you have in you, time to measure new dimensions of your own personality. Nature calls it a 'CHANGE'  but it’s the conspiracy of not taking blame to make you what you may never wanted to be or proud to make a reason of sowing the seed, to grow the way you wanted it to be.

Take a deep breath! Follow your instincts, they may guard you by appearing as another person and when it finally starts confusing you …Exhale!

Dear Life! I have seen you in the moments gone …in the moments of hope… in the gloss of a lost love …in the memories of the treasure gone… in the chirping of the seasoned birds… in the flower I grew to see brisk and bracing…in the dreams of midnight …in the loneliness…in the happiness.

How hard I tried to grip these strings:  they open up with no start found, with no end grabbed.

In the end I am open handed and empty handed, dumbstruck with the vows of my solidarity, with the solitude that is happily perplexed. With the notion of dropping the abstract, keeping all details to my own obsession. Hoping someday you will play the riddle again, this time I will win, with all synonyms out of place, antonyms I will redesign.  No statement is the understatement but only statement that holds true is the statement of felicity or jeopardy.

Right now I am bemused to see which statements brings the reason of me socking the face with a natural glow as I wait by, in the presence of your afterglow.

Take my name, come to me, sit closer to me and let’s have a silent discussion. We will make a win- win situation, I will hide you from all deepening eyes as they disappeared in the mobilize wave of change.

‘Life with all your abstruse meanings and colors, you fell into obscurity ’

--- In the midst of Everything ---

I finally had a very mystifying sleep. As I got up, I felt an eeriness surrounding me somehow. Nothing was changed:  On television there is still some politician bragging or condemning and demeaning the others. My siblings still at every sip of tea mortifying what they see and considered to be fake. My mother is still thinking about what to cook and here is my perfect family. Whenever I write about my family I am unable to speak about the loss I had few years back but hey I can’t forget my father, he is resting in peace. His role was over way back before when I was about to enter in to the world of continuous change.

May be this part of my life is supposed to be struggled by me and I hope I do that well. Coming back to my eeriness, yesterday when I was coming back home; I saw kids really enthusiastically making plans rummaging through the streets in a group. Later on my mother told me that one of them asked for money. I asked why; and they said ‘auntie whatever you can share do that we need to embellish Whole Street’.

It kind of left a smile on my face and I can vividly see through my memory lane; things and emotions that ever happened to me. Whole night warding my 14 august décor and if it rains, we are blessed because our god is happy with us. On every such occasion as today we will specially recite for our prophet as we all have heard whole universe do that... what amazement! Love without a price tag.

Today clouds are still thundering and thundering where my ears are in acceptance. Besides which I can sense something bad is traversing through these waves of thunder.

‘Love without a price tag’ is a gift that needs a feeling and feeling comes from heart where we feel selfless for someone. Such people are rare and need to be treasured. Recently I heard a similar story.Where people dream of cars, places and gold,she dreams of her childhood love and she was married to one. Both have nothing in hand but a much contended smile. Let’s believe in this side of story :)

It’s raining as I complete my eerie morning that starts at 3’ clock today. I still believe a smile waiver half of the tiring journey, a neat look with neat and positive thinking makes up a day for someone.

I hate to be all about an observer when you are in sulk and gloom, but still life haven’t treated you as bad as you may be thinking at this point and time . You haven’t lost everything because have faith best is still to wait for. Have faith that coming rain is going to shower away your seldom fears and apprehensions, and if it stays within your frequency range you are going to be very lucky.

Try to give half of your positivity; half will be shared by nature.

Never to forget someone listens more carefully when everyone moves in a wisp and you feel a complete misfit.

P.S. Try to give a priceless gift to someone today in any form, start with your prophet and recite something we have learn t by heart.

Take a very good care because you are special. 

' You Exist as a Glare...When World is in Despair '

There is something special about your presence,
As if glowing a tinge of light in the charcoal dark.

And still I hate you as you cover all the malice with your gyrating smile,
Making me go dizzy; an unknown dab.

Freshness of your skin is the imitation of a flower
That shuns all the norms and goes beyond the flaws.

Let’s go into the crowd where the sun basks
To see the remedy of a ruthless heart, of a fearless spat.

Love starts from there where we turned apart
And shaped the world with  an enormous art.

See through my eyes and you will spot on the brass
That hurdled up the surface that toils for your heart.

Home Is Where Your Heart Is

Dear valley,

Something in the air tells me that coming days are going to bring a change; for I have build my emotions and world with much care and love and the clouds hovering over the head encompassing this strange feeling of me not belonging to somewhere; I knitted with my own hand.

My beautiful world had a perfect picture and glimpse of smiles and laughter, somber and deprivation.
This town and my league seem to be garbled now.

It took a while to think we belong to our own region and head towards our own destination and therefore I have decided to flee where circumstances and my luck take me to be.

Behind me seems a vacant space, ahead is the gruesome valley and where as I ready to take another jump. I still remember my first flight when my family helped me to bring on the verge and I thought it to be my culmination point but when first time I moved my feather to see if world around me existed; I got to know this is just the beginning of where I ended my last ride.

I had to fly to earn my name, to earn my bread and butter and this troposphere seems to lack required oxygen now and therefore for the perfect living I have to move the other way.

Dear valley, my love and affection cannot be and would never be affected with this motley. I have this sense to save all I have experienced and I can still have an aroma of knowing where my home is.

I will come back to cherish the space; this life brought to me but with an assurance to have my eyes opened here; once I feel suffocated again.

With much love,

An engrossed inhabitant.

--Your Tears and My Space--

God has given you a heart of gold and sheer sense of sprouting the inner love,sock down the despondence and hatred therefore I owe you a little of my life too.

Listen, did you hear the inner voice that says nothing is permanent not even the dark bruise that is nipped down somewhere I can’t reach and see within your heart.

 I can’t see the inner you but ever since then I saw you first toggling down to your step I am fully absolved somewhere in the world that doesn’t belong to me.

Emotions come straight from heart and I almost detest the moisture, it then turns everything so gruff; the atmosphere and therefore everything stings to the most.

And that time when I had to face the arduous truth, I understood that I can hold everything life genuinely tried to throw at me, made me stumbled but not the tears that fell down from your face. Your image was in vague and I know your whole world was meshed up too. But the lining of this flowing sea had to be drawn; for how I would like to take the pride that I ever stood by you. So I tried to move my hand and take away the water tickling down but it felt like I had to run away from everything that sees you. Run away from all the eyes or make them go beyond the vision that your sense might have understood.

I therefore acclaim that a man loses many times in life but sometimes it’s beyond the space provided.So you don’t go up a little on your paws nor does ground opens up to accumulate you that easily.