~I have a feeling that tonight gonna be a good night ~

Err… at some good instant today I tried signing in to my blogger’s profile and rush towards latest posts i could read and came across a blogger friend’s post which made me feel a little more embarrassed.
Btw my weekend starts today and I realized today was the last working day of my 2011 and we are entering into 2012. Anyways coming back to the post; it was second tag post asking me to write something about myself. I also realized how reserve I am when it comes to sharing something about me. I was quite strict with my rules initially and when ultimately I had to settle with the society with more people I never saw before; those things in me got jumbled up. In effort to keep myself on track I did hit and hurt myself many a times. Well mishi not writing about the post literally marks two more things in me 1) I was struggling with a lot of things now a days 2) I am lazy 3) There are some self imposed things on me which makes me feel miserable at times :P .

In short I have grown up to be a very sensitive person and also little things have started hurting me more than I used to or maybe I am finding myself in these hinges too. I have started feeling responsible of a lot of things at home and at office or with friends which necessarily shouldn’t be taken that serious and can be dealt as the time comes.

So without any waste of time I am going to answer questions associated with this tag post. I hope my excuses sound powerful enough.

1-*Mention at-least 5 good things that happened with you this year.

Hmm good things tough question.

- We shifted to a new place; I will call it a good thing.

- I was promoted to a senior level position.

- I am by the real grace of Allah getting things that I planned.

- I drove and drove and driving means a stabilizer of mind and body no?

- I got to know my family more and with every passing day I drew closer to them =))

Really I had to write a lot of things but those things couldn’t be carried by these five points. In short my spiritual relation with god kept on following sine wave but his relation with me stayed constant. I have more and more love for him then the love I grew up keeping for him in my heart =))

   2-*At-least 5 things that you desperately want to do next year.

hmmm that’s a good one but it’s not about the year; it something that I keep on planning but I do hope I get some more courage to deal with myself first

-      I want to buy a car; my personal car. With this hope that this change is going to free me with chain of dependency I had. I wish so.

-      I want to control my sensitivity; if I see someone having an accident early morning on road and his forehead bleeding …I need to move forward hoping that there are a lot of miseries and you can’t put yourself down like that .Need to control those eyes that ultimate gave a tunnel to clearly see what is running in heart. Need to be strong. Very strong.

-      Want at least two of my siblings getting married this year. Really Really Really!!!!! I hope you are able to see intensity

-      Want to be of some help for my family especially my mother. I love her.

-      Want to be a bit more decisive about my career. This year should make me more better at what I am doing or simply quit IT industry and work out on my weight ; my dresses freshness health diet :P not that I am planning to be a house wife in 2012 lol

3-*At-least 5 things that you want to avoid next year.

Hmm 5 things I want to avoid

-      Avoid people who cannot deal with me and my nature. Believe me people would never change their selves but would like you to change for them. Excuse them and ask them to spare you. Deal with them with your chin up.

-      Avoid eating junk food and focus on healthy food (LOL) ;)

-      Avoid being lazy and show up every day YES!

-      Avoid laziness again and be regular in my prayers and building up a healthy relation with my lord.

-      Avoid being over sensitive.

-      Avoid getting sick. 2011 from March I am suffering from enormous problems, I am glad I am better now. Just imagine I utilized whole outpatient facility on me. Hmmm

Phew!!! I am done yayyyy. I really wanted to write something at the end; a poem perhaps but I am not in my full groove at the moment.Thank you blogger friends for being with me thorough every thick and thin. At least I am sure you would hardly harm me. And then I would like to meet you one day so whosever comes to Pakistan and Lahore please post it down on your blogs and maybe we can share our experiences that way =))

Take care

Have a very happy weekend =)

O by the way I have been listening to this song whole day:

Khwab adhoray sahi ;khwab saharay tu hein
dreams may never be accomplished but they are our support

Rush Hour

If to worry could solve my problems I must have worried whole day and whole night but it came to me that worrying is not only squeezing my energies but also making me weaker on this promising day.

I also inferred that my thought processes were diverted more towards pessimism rather than being energetic and strong. These lessons were fed by nature in chunks and hence taking its due time for evaluation.

Today I planned to take an off from my office and managed to see daylight happenings as well. Half of my day was spent following the sun shines; something that was so soothing and making my chilled bones active. I was glad to see a lot of birds chirping; Alas! My digitally to good to be true life has nothing in it that can make me praise this nature! 

I could see a lot of kids playing in street shouting aloud, running behind guys selling pop corns and ice cream. Fearless laughter, pranks and a little girl who is jumping on her feet and her feet taking turn with the snapping of her fingers. Humming in such a careless attitude; so overwhelmed; totally rolling in imagination.

 I had no idea how time slipped by ; I kept gazing at them and it also felt that I had wanting eyes ; a sadness occupied me somehow; something completely uninvited  ; I can’t be careless ; can’t be totally free ; sometimes I also feel I have lost myself in crowd and I need to accumulate myself to always keep it intact. Sometimes I want to hide, sometimes I want to rule.

Half of my heart is ready to take up challenges; the other half is just introvert; removes this fever.

Still new day seems to bring a lot of new things to catch up with. I wish to hinder my own self finding answers in others eyes. They don’t have vision as preemptive and as prepared as yours is for your own good.

Follow your intuitions they are somehow carrying all of the answers; sometimes we miss to interpret them well; sometimes we over write them but they come back to us; knock the door asking for another evaluation.

Hope you all are doing well and running at a good pace =))

See you again very soon.

Take Care 

~ All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys ~

There comes a time when your heart is blatantly not supporting your mind; you feel disjointed and not belonging to a world you mostly thought your living place to be. That’s how life takes few minutes to change whole analogy. Love, affection, and nostalgia everything fails to provoke anything that fell into deep slumber. You look around finding emotions or words that could heal this instant but it all goes in vain. This inertia however instills a new sensation; a will to be strong; a hope negating all eyes just meeting yours. You try to absorb everything even a sudden laughter, a clap or a hi five. You blame time which passes by without any kindness or good deed; spreading a spur of thoughts and moments around.

Suddenly you want to rush back and see how much change your people have undergone?

 If you could still find your old school, high school photographs and still find something to laugh at. If you can recognize faces that aren’t with you any more or purple letter head with a love letter that someone you never saw placed in your book and you made hundred assumptions about it; sometimes infuriated ; sometimes considering it foolishness or may be some old stamps you collected with zealous energies  and your attempts at making good signature name for big task awaiting ahead or first attempt to start joining hand writing or silly explanations of stanzas where you know; you just have to fill space when you even can’t understand what is the meaning of ‘freedom’ or ‘slavery’ or ‘hatred’ or 'love' or  ‘if your loved one has gone and how time can fill the gap' in poetry.

 It all comes to you; you want to go back in same street light; in same town holding a lamp and rolling around it or throwing arm around your brother and sharing same ice-lolly. It all does come back to you and you never want to let go of anything but an insecurity that enthralls you and you wrap your arms around with a street light still falling on your arms highlighting half of your face; little bruise you got while playing in childhood and you smile, you know how much you were able to save from the cunning eyes of so called time.

* Some times looking back is good sometimes it stones you. Ultimately our decisions are the choices we make and choices are half percent chance *

Laters
Happy Weekend =)

U-Turn

This time weather took a deeper swing. I could feel chilled bones and walking down the road was also hazy. There were few lamps blinking on the road and silence; as much as I needed at that moment. I don’t know why we had to cross at this particular crossing. Not only our eyes met; there was a magnetic effect that clanged upon us. I stood quite as my feet were stoned and I could hardly see upfront. At my back was my past that I crossed with all affection and this abjuration was never intended. He was speaking as if he was miles away; about so many things which slugged my head and found nowhere to go. The echoing voices around; it felt he never had any full stops in his life. The voice kept hovering the air breaking every element of eeriness around. That’s the only time I wished earth should not be round.


Take Care guys; busy days but an urge to write keep us going. no?

I hope you all are good and healthy ...

See you all very soon and thanks for stopping by =)

* Also i am suppose to write a tag post which is half way to completion. lest it will be coming soon :$ *

Short Stories

Agony

Agony is not watching you deteriorating every day as a tree that fell down in forest one in a million but it is what it is, real pain is to measure the time that’s swiftly going forward without you, so there were two possibilities to keep everything intact either to spend rest of my life digging down the pain we saw together or to keep a burner in my hand and search for you places and in people. But the real agony is that; choosing either of the way is not going to decrease anything neither in time nor in heart.

Satisfaction

That was quite a nasty day with nature playing absolute pranks with me; leaving my bro car in a tightly packed traffic and hunting for a rickshaw made me meet a girl who have found inner peace. Wow! What a feel and contentment I could see as she spoke about the job she left to taking a veil.  The distance that she travelled for finding purity in love is just like piling up the raw facts and peeling them up for further simplification. She cooked best food for her infinity while I was still pulling myself in traffic finding my way to office with whirlpool of other thoughts scripting away this facet quite quickly in my mind’s chamber at lowest degree possible.

A Monologue

There are people in this world who will put their weaknesses on you. So be brave; finding problems in yourself is sanity but considering yourself a culprit always is foolishness.  Sometimes forgiveness is important but there are a time when keeping your dignity becomes imperative. Life will put you in a situation when your cooked food will come out to be raw; that’s the point where real decisions are taken. Be sure; real person stand by his decisions; others they just run away leaving their self almost nonexistent not only here but in the life hereafter.

Feeling

--Zara chehra tu dikhao aur thora sa muskarao – Duniya ke ghum bhulao aur thora sa muskurao --

What comes to your mind singing this song? While as far as I am concerned it brings a face absolutely hidden; sometimes batting eyes sometimes a vision; often very fragile of ‘someone’ … replaced by strong ‘someone’ and vice verse. A feeling is precious as it is occasionally produced and promises a lot of affection; once disrupt breaks the charm as a wine glass breaks down in a hustle. It not only damages divinity of the moment but also spread shattered pieces of glass making it meaningless. So secure your expressions from the outside world it is between you and that one 'someone'. For others it is just an entertainment.

~ Take care Guys ~

( The idea of sharing these stories is like sharing mine or other's day to day experience with you . 
If you like them i will try to put more notes quite often. It not only helps me summarizing long experiences but also make me realise apt use of words. While i am still in progress-- )

=)